This is a Public Service Announcement

So, I just spend the last 20 or so hours with one of my good friends from college.. sort of. She kinda fell into my lap actually.

I was looking for an apartment in the area right around the time I was graduating from college for myself and another friend to live in for the next few months. Well, planned roomie called me up and said her friend from the theatre department needed a place to stay for a month and could she join us, they would share a room. So, I said sure! Anything to help with the bills, right.

Another girl followed me there too so the 4 of us piled into our sweet little 2 BR 2BA apartment and started living life in the real world, paying bills, going to work, killing bugs and cooking dinner. Soon, my follower headed off to her summer school program and shortly after planned roomie decided she wanted to move home. So, theatre friend, Kiki, was last roomie standing. Luckily, Kiki ended up needing a place for the whole summer so we ended up having a great summer watching TV, running around in odd outfits, playing in the shared backyard and quite simply, being ridiculous.

She's a little younger than me so I've always been kind of like the big sister, she calls me mom sometimes with the way we interact. So, yesterday she marched into my place with stories about new boys, text messages, meetings and plans. We watched He's just not that into You and the combination of that movie plus her stories made be decide to give a shot at writing a public service announcement to all the ladies out there that are chasing boys. I know I'm as silly as GiGi in the movie and used to be as naive as Kiki but looking from the outside I can see a little better. Hopefully this can serve as a reminder/guide to both you and I!


A Public Service Announcement: Things of Men to Beware!

• If you receive a text message saying, "I don't want to be in a relationship, but you can still come spend the night with me." or some form thereof, punch him in the face. This is not sweet. This is straight up disrespect. If you slip up and fall for that line and after the fact realize it is stupid, do not try and go back to being "just friends." Write his butt off!
  


• If you just meet a guy and he starts talking about how it is his responsibility to keep you safe, make your life perfect, take care of your every need, and you are not in an actual serious relationship with him, please run. This is all desperate, lonely, controlling, moving way to fast talk. Sure, it sounds sweet, but no guy should want to shower all that on you the first week of meeting you. He has an ulterior motive because those are easy ways to get a girl to swoon. Beware and be ok to take care of yourself!
  
  
• If you have a best guy friend and you think you all will date someday, oh and by date you mean marry, you may need to think again. Have you asked him to date you multiple times and he said some variation of "You're too good for me" or "We are so much better friends, I don't want to ruin what we have"? If so, take that as him nicely telling you, hes just not that into you. Like the movie says, if the guy wants it to happen, he will make it happen.
  
  
• Guys are really good at getting you to break up with them rather than having to do it themselves. I love the clip in the movie with the ladies on the bench talking about all the sneaky ways guys break up with them, when you actually think it was your idea. Key words include "I'm so jealous of the next guy that gets to be with you" or "I don't want to hold you back" or just acting like a jerk until you dump them to get their attention and then it ends up sticking.

I hate that women can be so blind to our opposite gender's antics. I adore men, I totally do (thought I'd throw that out there in case you cannot tell from this blog) but dang, they can be total douche bags and when you mess with one of my friends, you better back off.

So, kisses to all my ladies. Be careful out there! Love ya!

Business As Normal

At approximately 9:30 p.m. I started shaking. It wasn't too bad for the most part of the morning. I conducted business as normal. Every time I looked at the clock though I got butterflies in my stomach... and not the fun kind.

At 11:20 my shaking bumped up to about 90 miles an hour. I must have burned off the entire grande mocha and 1/2 wheat bagel I ate for breakfast in the next 40 minutes of violent trembling. I shook all the way from my office to the bathroom and managed to break my name badge and hair clip in that brief excursion from the inconsistent pressures ejecting from my finger tips.

I headed out of the building and made it to the restaurant without wrecking my car or forgetting where I was going. I did my best "walk like a superstar" strut into the restaurant just in case he was watching me. The Beautiful One was ready and waiting for me like a perfect gentleman at the front of the place and already had a table. Once seated I tried to adjust my notebook on the table and the obviousness of my shaking was so embarrassing I just sat with my hands in my lap and didn't even attempt to open the menu to read it. I didn't drink my drink. I didn't talk with my hands. I sat like a still freak so I wouldn't prove I was actually a real freak.

Yay me.

I think I actually didn't look at anything but his face the entire lunch. I couldn't eat my food. Who can eat when your nerves have totally consumed any thoughts of ever enjoying food in your life?

I couldn't tell you what he ordered. I couldn't tell you if he ate his food. I don't actually remember him lifting a fork to his mouth. The waiter did take his plate long before mine, I wonder if he inhaled it? How rude.

I can tell you he was growing some facial hair. I can tell you exactly how his hair is cut. I can tell you exactly how the skin transitions from his neck to his chin. I can tell you all about his eyes and mouth.

Oh, and I can tell you from the first time he said "we" I was in denial. I told myself the "we" was a friendly non-threatening male roommate or best friend. Well, that theory was smashed in my completely full plate of food when he told me his wedding is in 24 days.

Why the heck are we having lunch!!??!!

I guess because he is borderline perfect and actually cares about his job and his clients and people he meets in the business world. And because I'm a cool chic that any perfect business guy would enjoy lunch with. I guess the other ones do ask me to lunch and I just turn them down on account of their not so stare worthy faces and very chubby neck to chin transitions.

Naturally, I pouted the rest of the day.

But I did end up pulling off the lunch beautifully. The shakes subsided after the first ten minutes and I did manage to eat like 1/8 of my meal. My charm bubbled up and we clicked like the first meeting day and I made jokes, flipped hair and we discussed our 20 something hopes and dreams.

So, The Beautiful One walked away having paid for my wasted lunch, reminding me not to be a stranger and thanking me for coming all the way out to see him. I still think it was an odd random invitation but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

And really freaking hungry mid-afternoon.