What did I do to him?

I'm used to being ignored by boys.

Ok, that's not exactly true.

I'm used to being ignored by boys once I:

a.) Show interest in them
b.) Kiss them
c.) Verbally state I like them
d.) Ask why they ignore me so much
e.) All of the above

Boys I don't give a crap about kissing, dating, etc. allow me to do, say, or ask for whatever I please and love it. I understand all of the above to some extent, but come on, its all annoying in the end.

So, that said, I'm starting to have a little issue. Well, not necessarily. Eh, who knows.

Harry and I met about a month ago and have been talking for two months now. We have been on 4 dates (wow!) and talk on the phone everyday. Here are some of the things he has said to me:

• I can't wait to see you 100 and 1/2 hours from now
• You can call me anytime
• You are so uniquely fun and exciting
• I go to sleep smiling after I talk to you
• Be careful
• I'm so excited

My question is, is all this too much being so soon? I tell him not to get carried away and he says too late. I'm not used to guys I actually consider being with, being this attuned to me, especially so soon. I mean, he can count very well, thus explaining the first one. My last two men of late have been incapable of counting to 10 in English, much less another language. But still. That is some counting. But more pointedly, that is thoughtful and attentive.

He says he thinks of me often. Its all so nice. He calls when he says he will. He truly, genuinely likes me.

I quoted the 100 hours line to my friend today and she exclaimed, "What did you do to him???!!"

Trust me, nothing like that dear. Nothing like that.

So, is this too much? Or should I just sit back and enjoy it??? I mean, I am a long time single single girl. I kill my own bugs. I sleep alone. I am prepared to fight the boogie man if need be. I mean, I have a steel baseball bat. And my fists. This chick is not used to men that are interesting, showing supreme interest in me!

What to do??

Newsflash!

Date with Harry tomorrow! Hmmmm... will this or won't this give me some spark action?

Who knows?! Ahhhh... The joys of dating!!!

And then We Met.

The Setting:

Me and Work Hubby riding to Lunch.

***

The Conversation:

Me: I had a first date last night. (With Harry)

Hubby: You're always doing something.

Me: Whatever, that was my first date in like 10 years.

Hubby: Hmph.

Me: I don't think I like him.

Hubby: Well, you never like anyone.

Me: Yeah, I know.

***

In my defense:

If I had liked someone so far, hopefully I would be with them. Just because I haven't fallen for anyone in a while (that likes me back and does something about it) doesn't mean I'm completely unpleaseable. And come on, it was the very first date product of online dating, how often does that one sweep you off your feet? You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you lay down the law and tell froggie #1928 that he better turn prince or you're out. (just kidding, I will never use the ultimatum tactic.)

***

Now What?:

I am considering seeing him again. I mean, it was far from awful, he was nice, courteous and even borderline funny. I just didn't feel the attraction vibe. And he made me talk to the hostess (bc he was scared). And I had to plan the whole thing and practically talk him into coming.

***

The Silver Lining:

I met a drummer at the beach who may or may not be gay but he plays gigs around my area and is pretty fun and way cute when on stage. We have become friends (its on facebook so its official) and he wants me to come to one of his shows soon. I love being with the band! Who knows what will happen or who I will meet!

***

The Conclusion:

So basically ladies, when one mans disappoints, give him at least one more try and know there are plenty more fishies and good times in the sea!!!

Picky vs. Choosy

After being on the dating scene for a while, you should learn a few things. I mean, I wouldn't know, I hardly ever go on dates. However, luckily I AM literate and can read dating advice. One article struck me lately.

We all have our lists. Tall, dark, handsome, employed, rich, famous, etc. Our lists have probably evolved over the years to shape the present interests and needs in our lives at present. The article addressed these so called hit lists and aimed to help reshape them into more realistic tools rather than over the top stumbling blocks.

Lets go over terminology first.

Picky: This means you are unyielding basically. He must be a prince and if not, he just doesn't deserve you. Picky = Trouble.

Choosy: This means you stick to your morals and values when selecting a dude, but are willing to compromise on the lesser line items. Choosy = Get You One. Eventually.

The example in the book made me laugh out loud in the middle of Barnes and Nobles. The author cited a lady who had put in her personal ad that she was looking for a tall, dark haired and handsome man. She got all kinds of replies but the one that she returned the call on simply stated "I'm tall and handsome but you're gonna have to pass on the hair. Two out of three isn't bad, eh?" She married the guy in the end. She gave a little on something little like hair on top and gained her a solid man.

(Of course I thought this was funny since my main internet dating interest is lacking that the hair department as well and was quite proud of myself for being an accelerated learner and already marching forward towards the less furry men of the world. Who by the way, I have still not met nor have standing plans with at present and have made sure to let him know my patience and attention span are being tested. I'll update that front once I'm no longer in purgatory on this one.)

We girls are often too taken with what looks good on paper and not enough focused on traits such as finding someone who wins respect from us and those around him. Or someone who does little things like help clean up the kitchen or take care of his mother when duty calls.

If passions and mutual respect co align and compliment each other, the other things fall into place. Don't get hung up on details or #27 on your list. He may be a little shorter than desired, have plans to see Harry Potter at midnight this Thursday or wear the same polo, like every special occasion, but if he has your core needs, just do it. The other things grow very small in comparison.

I just watched Confessions of Shopaholic. Rebbecca, Isla Fisher's character, has a great relationship with her roommate. They are best friends, understand each other and take care of each other. Then her roommate gets engaged. I couldn't help but almost be brought to tears at what that meant for their friendship. The storyline goes nowhere near that topic but all I could think about was how their friendship, living situation and lives would never be the same.

In my life, I have seen so many people get married. And everything changes. I remember at my sister's wedding I gave my maid of honor speech and told her husband she was more his now than mine. Right I was. She lives a couple thousand miles away from me now and they are living their lives. I was maid of honor in one other wedding and the bride now lives on the opposite coast from me. Another close friend of mine recently got engaged and now our weekly dinners and weekend ventures are not so weekly.

Other people's love has taken my friends so far away from me. Why do I even chase it? I should be mad at love with its blinding tactics and status-quo modifications. I should be mad at it for taking my friends away from me. But there is no way I could be. I'm so happy for my friends.

Love is crazy like that. It can swoop in, churn up homes, jobs, styles, patterns and tastes and we welcome it. We relish in it. I think we all long for something to come in and change life as we know it in exchange for something wonderful. Seeing other people go through it simply makes me see that it is possible. Even if they move across the country (or out of it) and find better things to do than drink 2 for 1 margaritas with me.

I'm not saying its ok to ditch your friends for a significant other. Friends are essential to a happy life. But, you would be in denial if you said marriage does not change friendship. So why do we want love so much? Because that's simply the kind of creatures we are. We are made to love. And what better love can be found that with someone you decide to be your partner through thick and thin for the rest of your life.

Third Base

Things with Harry are progressing. We email everyday. We chatted until 1 a.m. the other night. Oh, remember how I said if mid-week things hadn't moved forward I was going to say something? Well, a few days ago, he asked me if we could do a phone call and I freaked! I said I wanted to but not yet.

So, yesterday, I gave him my number. Ha! No call yet though. Plenty of emails though. Here's a couple things I've learned about him in the past week:

• He owns his house (I'm guessing its a 3/2)
• He plants flowers and such. And keeps them alive.
• Hes the oldest of 3
• He likes photography
• He is right handed

So, I mean, we are at like 3rd base of the pre-meet in this online dating world I would say. But, I'm afraid some of my opinionation and unyieldingness seeped through a bit. He asked me when the last time I went to an amusement park was. Well, since I'm so sharp (and over-analytic) I decided he was feeling me out of possibly taking me to one. So, yet again, I freaked.

Who the heck wants to go to an amusement park for their first meet and greet? I mean, I love them and all, just as much as the next 5 year old, but come on, who can keep up their cuteness at one of those places, especially in July. I had visions of getting partially wet and walking around yanking shorts out of my butt, my hair getting sweaty and fuzzy and mascara seeping all over my face. I mean, I just can't go there. What do you talk about when standing in one of those dreaded lines for an hour when you're pretty much miserable and bored anyway and feeling like cattle? Am I wrong or is that like the worst date on earth to go on with a stranger?

So, I shut him down. I said, "Um, like 2 yrs ago or something. Can't stand the lines." (notice how I couldn't even be bothered to spell out years). So now I'm worried he knows I'm over analytic, up-tight and melt in the heat. Yup, I'm totally reeling him in.

Social Skills in Social Settings

I have been enjoying a new blog lately, Penelope Trunk's Brazen Careerist. Flipping around her site is entriguing and intimidating. She is like, she-women, a super dupper risk taker, fearless of the odds. Completely witty, pointed and self-assured. I don't agree with everything she says (or does) but her intrigue and ingenuity cannot be ignored.

One post struck me today, titled in short, Social Skills Matter. As her blog focuses on work, as does most of her advice on this topic. As my blog focuses on boys, I decided to steal the topic and give it the little20slife twist.

Social skills are definitely the key to success in this world, and by success I mean, getting what you want. Just think, what stands in your way of most goals? Gatekeepers. Decision makers. Bosses. Parents. Teachers. People. The power of persuasion is now simply called good personal relations.

But how do you relate to people in a good personal way? Here's how I do it.

1. Talk to them. Make an effort to take interest in their individual, special, unique lives. I just love it when I find a talker, the questions start to roll off my lips. What can you ask them you may wonder. Well, how about do they have kids? What are their dreams and passions? Where did they come from? Have they been out of the country? And each question's answer leads to about 5-500 more. Just go for it.

2. Remember what they tell you. And follow up. Nothing says they are important to you other than your genuine interest and following questions regarding your initial questions. It means what they told you was not taken lightly. You took it to heart and care about what is going on in their life. Details count. Stash them away. (But only if they told you. Don't share tidbits they did not tell you unless you can explain it without looking like a stalker.)

3. Give off the open vibe. I can shut a guy in a bar down within .01 seconds. They smile at me (or make eye contact), I hold my lips tight, shoot a couple daggers out my eyes and turn away asap. Want to invite them over to talk? Want to win over the boyfriend's friends? Mother? Roommate? Smile. Laugh. Keep your eyes and body language friendly. Make eye contact and hold it. They will warm to you. (And guys are stupid. Sometimes the inviting body language doesn't work, you just have to approach them. Sorry.)

4. Ask a question. People like to feel knowledgeable and unintimidated. If you ask a question (in a non-quizzical manner), they will feel empowered, important and respected. Ask them about something they like (is raising children rewarding?), or something happening in front of you (why is that girl crazy?). It will stimulate conversation and compliment them.

5. Compliment them. Something that you mean. Being fake just turns them the other way.

6. Persist. If they are not buying you for some reason and are not being hostile or mean, just keep it friendly if it is important to get to know them. Some people are naturally untrusting. The walls will come down with people that are worth getting to know.

So, there are some of the things I use, in work and in life. Its fun seeing what happens just because people like you. Besides the typical free drink at the bar, I get directions, song requests played, behind the scenes tours, discounts and most importantly, friends.

Online Dating Update!

So, as I mentioned two posts ago, the online dating world has been interesting to say the least. I would actually be getting pretty frustrated with it except for one guy that I have ended up talking to... lets call him Harry.


I keep thinking about this bald thing... I like I told you, he is cute with no hair, but being the little hippie wanna be that I am, I always go for the guys with the long, flowy hair and cry when they cut it. I like to run my fingers through it, stroke it, mess it, etc. But you know the thing that calms my spirit about this whole hair thing? Charlotte and Harry. From Sex and the City.

Charlotte is just completely gorgeous and Harry is just not but they are in love and he's so much better for her than the cute doctor she ended up divorcing or any of the other guys that paraded through her life. I'm not saying I'm as beautiful and glamorous as Charlotte or that Harry and my attraction (preemptive, I know) is so great and more fabulous than the long haired hippies of my past, I'm just say that I'm ok with dating, I mean emailing, the bald men of the world. And because of that, he will be called Harry.

So, we first wrote to each other about 2 weeks ago. We've only gone a day here and there without hearing from each other since. Its actually quite exciting. He's so funny. He's so nice. The things he says puts me at ease and I just just tell him stuff, I don't feel invaded upon or intimidated by his questions. I mean, of course I haven't told him anything out of the ordinary but all the basic stuff we've talked about has been just great. Sure, he adores sport and I don't have a clue about them, he doesn't have a clue about my undying love for art but we are different in ways that are compatible thus far.

So, we are now officially emailing from our actual email addresses (at his request, eek!) and hes so nice and completely interested in me thus far. We live like an 1 hr 45 mins away from each other and we both said we are ok with that. So, I am totally in the dark about how to go about this, what time lines are acceptable/normal or whatever but here's what I'm thinking.... I don't want to type to him too much more. I'm afraid if we get to know each other through simply typing and not actually voice or in person interaction we will be awkward in front of each other, like, I will know him too well on one level at not at all on another, you know? And I suck on the phone, I hate talking on phones, I've practically quit using one at work whenever possible, so I say, lets just meet and see if this is actually fun in person before we get too far into all this. Is that crazy?

So, I'm going to go along with this email thing until, lets say, the middle of this week, and then I'm going to just send him my number and tell him to get off his mac and call me. Then hopefully, a time to meet will transpire.

And yes, I already have bought a dress for our first date. Men inspire me. To shop.

This is a Public Service Announcement

So, I just spend the last 20 or so hours with one of my good friends from college.. sort of. She kinda fell into my lap actually.

I was looking for an apartment in the area right around the time I was graduating from college for myself and another friend to live in for the next few months. Well, planned roomie called me up and said her friend from the theatre department needed a place to stay for a month and could she join us, they would share a room. So, I said sure! Anything to help with the bills, right.

Another girl followed me there too so the 4 of us piled into our sweet little 2 BR 2BA apartment and started living life in the real world, paying bills, going to work, killing bugs and cooking dinner. Soon, my follower headed off to her summer school program and shortly after planned roomie decided she wanted to move home. So, theatre friend, Kiki, was last roomie standing. Luckily, Kiki ended up needing a place for the whole summer so we ended up having a great summer watching TV, running around in odd outfits, playing in the shared backyard and quite simply, being ridiculous.

She's a little younger than me so I've always been kind of like the big sister, she calls me mom sometimes with the way we interact. So, yesterday she marched into my place with stories about new boys, text messages, meetings and plans. We watched He's just not that into You and the combination of that movie plus her stories made be decide to give a shot at writing a public service announcement to all the ladies out there that are chasing boys. I know I'm as silly as GiGi in the movie and used to be as naive as Kiki but looking from the outside I can see a little better. Hopefully this can serve as a reminder/guide to both you and I!


A Public Service Announcement: Things of Men to Beware!

• If you receive a text message saying, "I don't want to be in a relationship, but you can still come spend the night with me." or some form thereof, punch him in the face. This is not sweet. This is straight up disrespect. If you slip up and fall for that line and after the fact realize it is stupid, do not try and go back to being "just friends." Write his butt off!
  


• If you just meet a guy and he starts talking about how it is his responsibility to keep you safe, make your life perfect, take care of your every need, and you are not in an actual serious relationship with him, please run. This is all desperate, lonely, controlling, moving way to fast talk. Sure, it sounds sweet, but no guy should want to shower all that on you the first week of meeting you. He has an ulterior motive because those are easy ways to get a girl to swoon. Beware and be ok to take care of yourself!
  
  
• If you have a best guy friend and you think you all will date someday, oh and by date you mean marry, you may need to think again. Have you asked him to date you multiple times and he said some variation of "You're too good for me" or "We are so much better friends, I don't want to ruin what we have"? If so, take that as him nicely telling you, hes just not that into you. Like the movie says, if the guy wants it to happen, he will make it happen.
  
  
• Guys are really good at getting you to break up with them rather than having to do it themselves. I love the clip in the movie with the ladies on the bench talking about all the sneaky ways guys break up with them, when you actually think it was your idea. Key words include "I'm so jealous of the next guy that gets to be with you" or "I don't want to hold you back" or just acting like a jerk until you dump them to get their attention and then it ends up sticking.

I hate that women can be so blind to our opposite gender's antics. I adore men, I totally do (thought I'd throw that out there in case you cannot tell from this blog) but dang, they can be total douche bags and when you mess with one of my friends, you better back off.

So, kisses to all my ladies. Be careful out there! Love ya!

The Wonderful World of Online Dating

A few of the highlights of the experience:

• Man, there's a lot of guys out there
• Wow, there's a lot of freaks out there
• Lots of people reject me
• I reject lots of people
• Its hard to reject a one armed man
• Apparently one armed men don't like me because he rejected me
• There are a few really cool guys
• The really cool ones don't talk to me or are already taken
• Mostly weird guys try to contact me
• After a while, I started to reconsider what are needs vs. wants
• Its all a little exhausting

So basically, its like real life just a little less personal, less embarrassing and a little quicker.

But, I will tell you this, its not all for naught. I've actually been emailing a really nice, funny, cute, bald guy. Ok, not bald, looks like he shaves his head. I'm not sure if that's a sensitive subject or not so I haven't asked what the deal is yet. His brother has a shaved head too so I was thinking maybe its personal preference? But, hes actually pretty cute with no hair. He's 30, I have no idea what his job title means, hes a christian and he uses words like "clinched" in written correspondence.

I think he senses some of my neurosis, however, I keep getting emails! Score! Wow, I don't know how this thing works, what happens from here?

Guess I'll let you know in the coming entries!

Should I stay or should I go now?

Well, a couple things have happened since the last time I've written about happenings in my life. Its been a roller coaster of emotions around here and I'm just trying to sort through them all and deal with it without going crazy wild or simply stopping and crying for a few days.

Well, Mr. Nice Guy and I had a pretty big fight. Its so much history and so much baggage. Two years of dating and one year of being "friends." We tried to go to a wedding together this weekend which essentially ended up with us lost in an unknown city at 10:45 p.m. with me having not eaten since 4, no place to stay that night and Mr. So Called Nice Guy yelling at me for being concerned with all three of those things. All I could do was dissolve into tears and state that I needed to be taken home.

I told him I need to take a break from all the drama that comes with us hanging out. That I don't need an explanation, emails or phone calls. Whatever needs to be said, I'm sure has been said at some point over the past three years and we just need time to think and be ourselves away from each other. He just said ok and that hes sorry and respects my decision. So, I don't know what to do with that, I just hope I can stay strong and not fall back on him like I always do.

So, here I am staring at a bleak weekend without even any online prospects (I will save THAT synopsis for another entry) and who else but Mr. Big pops up on my facebook chat. (Check out this blog for background info.) Here's about how the conversation went (spitting my best game and all).

Mr. Big: you beautiful piece of woman you come to bonnaroo with me (he's too cool for punctuation)

Me: Yes! Yes! Mr. Big, whatever you say!

To top it off, Mr. commitmentphobe hasn't even bought tickets yet, plane or bonnaroo, and it starts this weekend! On the other hand, what could be better than a weekend away from this place with someone I absolutely have a blast with? And hello, bonnaroo? Omgosh, I have always been too sensible to go but it would like be my heaven on earth. They even encourage you to bring local organic food with as little as possible packaging material and bug spray sans deet (not sure whats wrong with deet but I'm sure its some environmental sin).

Ok, Ben Harper, Grace Potter, Girl Talk, Zac Brown, Phish, Springsteen, ahhh! Oh, and Mr. Big.

So, Its totally what I need, right? Noooo. Yes!!!!!

UPDATE:

I'm not going. He makes me too stupid. I will be setting my pandora quickmix to the above mentioned artists this weekend though happy with the $250 I could have spent on a ticket still in my bank account.

The Hubby vs. The Hero

When being single, 20 something, in a city with no family and living alone, (and being charming as I totally am doesn't hurt) the surrounding random men begin to sort of "take ownership" of my well being. Whether I like it or not.

For example, the old retired, eccentric man that lives across the street from me picks up all the sticks from my yard and pulls my trash to the curb each week. Kinda weird when he goes through my trash but I just look on the bright side (no touching dirty trash cans) and move on.

At work though, it gets a little deeper since that's where I spend the majority of my time. After a while, you get to know people and they get to know you. Well, I think I may have eluded to At Work Hubby before. He is a cute decade or so older than me divorced dude living his own single and fabulous life. He's charming and flirty and so even though he has a son my little sisters age, I enjoy our witty exchanges. We occasionally have lunch together and crash each other's offices to complain to each other about our day, issues or personal lives. He brings me snacks from meetings, lifts my heavy boxes and calls me when we work late to poke at me. He's pretty cool but best left as a friend (a point I make plenty clear) but he has decided that nobody else better be my friend like he is.

Well, another guy, Super Hero, took a liking to me from the beginning. He is married with 2 cute little boys and is in his 30s. However, he continues to bring me little goodies, drops by to talk, brings be Starbucks, changed my tire when he found out it was airless, gets worried about me and calls me to see if I'm ok and even gave me flowers on my birthday.

Sometimes Super Hero makes me a little nervous in that he is married and is so dang nice to me. So, what else should I do but talk to At Work Hubby about it for the male point of view. Well, At Work Hubby has gotten pretty dang jealous of Super Hero. Super Hero is just through the roof with his thoughtfulness, speediness and resourcefulness and even though Hubby I actually consider a friend, which gives him the best position, he can't stand me having a Super Hero in my life.

So, Super Hero and I have been working on this huge project together lately. Well, poor Hubby has to walk past my door to go to the elevator, bathroom, exit, etc., but mostly the bathroom. So here are Super Hero and I, huddled up in my office over our project for hours and hours while poor Hubby walks by for his morning, noon, afternoon, mid-afternoon pee only to see us laughing eating, drinking and being merry while chipping away at our task at hand.

Well, Hubby got onto me one afternoon (I mean, what is this? He totally takes this hubby thing seriously) picking on me about hanging with Super so much. Despite my many explanations, he got all pissy and pouty of course leading me to lecture him on how he needed to get his own life and quit worrying about mine.

So, the next day, Super and I are finishing up our project when here comes Hubby for his morning pee. Well, this time, rather than passing by, Hubby decides to take a new route and comes into my office and proceeds to put on a beautiful act of shaking hands with Super, patting backs, throwing around "How YOU doin?s" and playing catch up like old friends. (How many times did he see the back of his head yesterday while going to the bathroom) So I sit there while Hubby thoroughly enjoys his new found way to crash our "party."

Finally after all the, "Hows the WIFE" and "How're the BOYS, a.k.a. your CHILDREN" I tell hubby he is going to pee his pants if he gets anymore excited about catching up with Super and that he better get on his ridiculous way to the bathroom so we can finish our project.

They nervously laugh and hubby leaves to go pee.

Little boys and their little battles. Hubby should have just invited Super to go play swords if he wants to fight about it.