What is your language?

Languages are something that have intrigued me since I won first place in a spanish competition in 10th grade. I enjoy playing with words within the English language as well as the handful of other languages I have brushed across in my lifetime.

For example, OoloreyLA (and thats the phonetic spelling, not anything actually accurate), in my Nigerian friend's native tribe's tounge is one of the most fun words I've come across. I asked her to teach me one word and OoloreyLA was it. I finally got the meaning out of her after I practiced it multiple times.

"Well," she says incredulously, "It means Big Head."

The first time I ran into a Nigerian other than my friend was paying for parking at the airport. Upon learning of her origin I got so excited and started screaming OoloreyLA at her, waving my hands and widening my eyes looking for her excitement to recognize her native language. She merely looked slightly taken aback and laughed at the silly white girl across from her and handed me my change. My friend never told me that was not a good idea to scream Big Head at her fellow Nigerians. Who knew?

Another family of languages intrigues me outside of those just spoken. Love languages. Gary Chapman wrote a book about these called The Five Love Languages, first introducing it to the world. Its basically about the way we show and receive love.

The five love languages according to Chapman are:

• Personal Touch
• Acts of Services
• Giving of Gifts
• Quality Time
• Words of Encouragement

You can research the gist of the book on the internet if the face value of these aren't enough to quench your thirst but they are self explanatory enough on a surface level to get my drift. Or you can be an over achiever and take the love language test here.

So anyway, in college, I decided my love language was physical touch. Any touch was just an opening for the warm fuzzies and fair game to bring home and analyze for hours with my roommate. Later, when I was dating someone less talkative and more touchy feely, I decided my love language was words of encouragement. I would ask each time before we got off the phone, "Tell me something nice, please."

Now, I'm dating another personal touch person and have decided Acts of Service is more my game. I mean, I melt when he takes out the trash and weed eats my yard. Or, when he is scurrying around my feet picking up all I dropped on the floor in the kitchen. But, I also really dug him bringing me flowers. And I really long for our time together...

So, with all that changing of my mind, I finally decided which one I actually am. All 5. That's right, I said it. I am penta-lingual. Perhaps thats why men rarely appeal to me because rather than having one overarching need for feeling love, I instead have five enormous, love needs that pose incredible hurtles when it comes to dating me.

But, rather than look at the downside, I'm actually feeling pretty good about this, actually I'm rather elated. How cool is it that I am penta-lingual? I mean, think about how many people you know that speak 5 languages. Um, like, .02? And if you did know someone, I bet they would just be the coolest chick/kid ever! So, not only do I receive love in 5 ways, I also can give it in 5 ways.

So, my task now is to purposefully show my love to Harry in the 5 specific ways this weekend and see what his reaction is. And, gauge mine. Then, we can see if I really am what I have just claimed to be. I will report back later...

Kisses!

I just watched Confessions of Shopaholic. Rebbecca, Isla Fisher's character, has a great relationship with her roommate. They are best friends, understand each other and take care of each other. Then her roommate gets engaged. I couldn't help but almost be brought to tears at what that meant for their friendship. The storyline goes nowhere near that topic but all I could think about was how their friendship, living situation and lives would never be the same.

In my life, I have seen so many people get married. And everything changes. I remember at my sister's wedding I gave my maid of honor speech and told her husband she was more his now than mine. Right I was. She lives a couple thousand miles away from me now and they are living their lives. I was maid of honor in one other wedding and the bride now lives on the opposite coast from me. Another close friend of mine recently got engaged and now our weekly dinners and weekend ventures are not so weekly.

Other people's love has taken my friends so far away from me. Why do I even chase it? I should be mad at love with its blinding tactics and status-quo modifications. I should be mad at it for taking my friends away from me. But there is no way I could be. I'm so happy for my friends.

Love is crazy like that. It can swoop in, churn up homes, jobs, styles, patterns and tastes and we welcome it. We relish in it. I think we all long for something to come in and change life as we know it in exchange for something wonderful. Seeing other people go through it simply makes me see that it is possible. Even if they move across the country (or out of it) and find better things to do than drink 2 for 1 margaritas with me.

I'm not saying its ok to ditch your friends for a significant other. Friends are essential to a happy life. But, you would be in denial if you said marriage does not change friendship. So why do we want love so much? Because that's simply the kind of creatures we are. We are made to love. And what better love can be found that with someone you decide to be your partner through thick and thin for the rest of your life.

A Black Sheep in Love

One of my friend's little sisters is getting married. Its one of those jaw dropping naysayer inspiring situations. She has kinda been one of those "black sheep" children. Daughter of ultra conservative christian parents, she had done her own thing, not sought their approval and been extremely independent while her other siblings relied pretty heavily on them. She was the one that when all the siblings got in trouble, she purposely stirred the pot to make a point that no one could control her. Throughout high school and college she continued to stress that point while doing her own thing and going for what she wanted. She has been pretty successful, had fun along the way, had her share of troubles, but overall succeeded and given her parents a good bit of grief along the way.

I too have always tried to keep my parents at arms length and do it my own dang self. Once at about age 10, I spilled watercolor paints all over my sweet white bedroom carpet. After scrubbing it with one of our pink bathroom washcloths and had only proven mastery of co-mingling the blue with the yellow with the green with the red, I decided rather than asking mommy for the carpet cleaner and her stain removing expertise why not just handle it internally and eliminate the problem? So, I just cut off the top layer of carpet, tossed it in the trash and went about my painting. Twas a beautiful day. (Yes, I got in trouble later despite my moderately convincing denial)

I've struggled with the conservative, restrictive parents and a free, curious spirit pretty much all my life. My crazy internal rebellious self gets pleasure from doing things my own way, apart from however my parents would like me to do it. I love to prove them wrong by succeeding on my own terms... when they would have never recommended that route. This often gets me in trouble because sometimes I do things they would hate that are not for any fruitful purpose, and I should probably just listen to them and take their advice.

Being an independent girl and whimsical, unconventional weirdo at that, its hard to simply fall into a christian homes expectations. I have a need to figure things out myself and that often means trial and error whether that's a good thing or not. While I have a desire to be different I also do have an underlying desire to simply be good, follow God and be at peace with my parents and their wishes.

So, let me relate all this back to my original story. Well, Black Sheep Daughter has dated all over the playing field. Older guys, frat guys, non-christian guys and stupid lesser than her guys. Most recently she out of the blue broke it off with a sweet (but rather boring in my opinion) long term boy. One month later, she got a text from a cute, but extremely aloof, outspoken, silly, crazy guy from this little bitty church they go to. From there they were basically inseparable. Hes a crazy christian guy and she has since given up all forms of drinking, her plans to live in a major city post graduation miles away from her parents and accepted his proposal (of marriage!) 3 months after receiving the first text message. Now, merely two months later, she is just days away from tying the knot.

Its been so fast. And her parents approve so much. And she hangs out with him with her parents. A lot. Everyone is gawking at the speed of the relationship, the change in black sheep daughter and her complete okayness with settling down at 21 as a little tee-totalling, parental loving housewife.

I was pretty shocked at first too. But now I get it. Being restless and rebellious and self gratifying are only symptoms of situations and beliefs... not character traits. No one wants to be a black sheep, or sinful or independent to a fault. We just want to be loved. Black Sheep Daughter finally saw through her choices and saw what was important. She finally saw how she could live with her beliefs and be herself. And she saw it in this crazy, unconventional boy who fell in love with her craziness and her love of God underneath all the rebelling.

We all have this desire to be one with God, to be loved by God and others and to love God and others our own self. We also all have the natural tendency to run from this because of our selfishness and human tendencies. In Black Sheep Daughter's love story I see her winning this battle.

I am not saying I need the love of a man to help me win my battle but that her story inspires me to keep fighting it and that what I truly want and need will win in the end.