What is your language?

Languages are something that have intrigued me since I won first place in a spanish competition in 10th grade. I enjoy playing with words within the English language as well as the handful of other languages I have brushed across in my lifetime.

For example, OoloreyLA (and thats the phonetic spelling, not anything actually accurate), in my Nigerian friend's native tribe's tounge is one of the most fun words I've come across. I asked her to teach me one word and OoloreyLA was it. I finally got the meaning out of her after I practiced it multiple times.

"Well," she says incredulously, "It means Big Head."

The first time I ran into a Nigerian other than my friend was paying for parking at the airport. Upon learning of her origin I got so excited and started screaming OoloreyLA at her, waving my hands and widening my eyes looking for her excitement to recognize her native language. She merely looked slightly taken aback and laughed at the silly white girl across from her and handed me my change. My friend never told me that was not a good idea to scream Big Head at her fellow Nigerians. Who knew?

Another family of languages intrigues me outside of those just spoken. Love languages. Gary Chapman wrote a book about these called The Five Love Languages, first introducing it to the world. Its basically about the way we show and receive love.

The five love languages according to Chapman are:

• Personal Touch
• Acts of Services
• Giving of Gifts
• Quality Time
• Words of Encouragement

You can research the gist of the book on the internet if the face value of these aren't enough to quench your thirst but they are self explanatory enough on a surface level to get my drift. Or you can be an over achiever and take the love language test here.

So anyway, in college, I decided my love language was physical touch. Any touch was just an opening for the warm fuzzies and fair game to bring home and analyze for hours with my roommate. Later, when I was dating someone less talkative and more touchy feely, I decided my love language was words of encouragement. I would ask each time before we got off the phone, "Tell me something nice, please."

Now, I'm dating another personal touch person and have decided Acts of Service is more my game. I mean, I melt when he takes out the trash and weed eats my yard. Or, when he is scurrying around my feet picking up all I dropped on the floor in the kitchen. But, I also really dug him bringing me flowers. And I really long for our time together...

So, with all that changing of my mind, I finally decided which one I actually am. All 5. That's right, I said it. I am penta-lingual. Perhaps thats why men rarely appeal to me because rather than having one overarching need for feeling love, I instead have five enormous, love needs that pose incredible hurtles when it comes to dating me.

But, rather than look at the downside, I'm actually feeling pretty good about this, actually I'm rather elated. How cool is it that I am penta-lingual? I mean, think about how many people you know that speak 5 languages. Um, like, .02? And if you did know someone, I bet they would just be the coolest chick/kid ever! So, not only do I receive love in 5 ways, I also can give it in 5 ways.

So, my task now is to purposefully show my love to Harry in the 5 specific ways this weekend and see what his reaction is. And, gauge mine. Then, we can see if I really am what I have just claimed to be. I will report back later...

Kisses!

Its a Mad World

I mad at Harry. I can't remember why exactly. I'll blame it on being menstrual. But I'm not telling him that.

I'm still mad too- even though I know its silly. I want to be mad at him for it raining all weekend and for living 1 hour 45 mins away from me. Its also his fault that I had to go to two different Walmarts today to get the on sale Garmin. I even (criminal this is, I admit) want to yell at him for not being able to read my mind.

Mostly I'm mad because he hasn't called me yet to call me out on being stupid for being mad. He's probably smarter than I'm giving him credit for considering he hasn't called me while in this state.

I heart my man.

The Way to a Man's Heart...

Well, what does a brand new couple do for a date night in? Cook us some dinner. It was cute. We grocery shopped. We rinsed and chopped. We blended and seasoned. We danced around the kitchen in harmony, wearing aprons and oven mitts.

Actually, it was more like me and my happy-nervous energy chopping as much as I was dropping as Harry (aka Mr. OCD Cleaner) squatted on the floor, picking up bits of onion and celery. I would use a knife, come back to it, and it would already be in the dishwasher.

We used about every dish in the kitchen. When I asked where his dish drainer was he replied, "What, some big contraption to take up room on my counter?" I mean, what was I thinking? Obviously the correct process is to lay them on a towel and hand dry immediately. Who would ever consider that contraption an extra, easily accessable, highly desireable place to store the dishes?? Nooo, not me!

I swear the boy must not eat real food ever. He about melted on the floor eating something cooked in his own kitchen that he'd never tasted before. That kitchen was cleaned in about 3 minutes following the meal and in 3.5 we were tangled up together on the couch.

So, if you need a recipe to that will bring a man to his knees (ok, only if he is fabulously clean and you are spaz-tastic like me), or just want something fabulous to cook for whenever, I have the recipe listed below. Thanks Rachael Ray!!!

Spicy Shrimp Burgers

Ingredients

• 1 pound raw peeled and deveined small shrimp
• 1 celery stalk with green, leafy tops, coarsely chopped
• 1/2 small to medium yellow skinned onion, coarsely chopped
• 1/2 green bell pepper, seeded and coarsely chopped
• 1 clove garlic
• A handful parsley leaves
• 1 tablespoon all-purpose seafood seasoning, found near fish department (recommended: Old Bay)
• 1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper or 1 teaspoon hot sauce (recommended: Tabasco)
• 1 lemon, zested
• Salt and pepper
• 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil, 2 turns of the pan
• 4 English muffins, sandwich size plain or sour dough flavor
• 1/4 cup mayonnaise or reduced fat mayonnaise
• 1/4 cup chili sauce or salsa or taco sauce
• Butter or Boston lettuce leaves

Directions

Divide the shrimp in half. Put half the shrimp into a food processor and grind it up. Transfer the shrimp to a bowl using a rubber spatula. Add the whole shrimp to the bowl. Add celery, onion, bell pepper, garlic and parsley to the processor and pulse-grind it into a fine chop. Add the vegetable mixture to the shrimp. Add half a palm full of crab boil seasoning, 1/2 teaspoon cayenne, lemon zest, salt and pepper to the bowl, to season. Stir the shrimp mixture to combine.

Preheat a large nonstick skillet over medium to medium high heat. Add extra-virgin olive oil, 2 turns of the pan in a slow stream. Use a large metal scoop to scoop 4 mounds of shrimp burger mixture into the pan. Gently pat down to form patties. Fry patties 3 to 5 minutes on each side, until they firm up and the shrimp turn whitish-pink.

Split and toast the sandwich size English muffins. Mix mayonnaise and chili sauce, salsa or taco sauce. Place burgers on muffin bottoms and top with lettuce. Slather the top of the muffins with sauce and set in place.

The Home Debut

I went and visited Harry at his home this weekend.  Sure, I got lost on the drive over.  No, I did not call him for specification on the route as I wanted to impress him with my superior navigational abilities.  And yes, I probably accidentally told every female at work that day, "I have a date tonight!!"

Oh my gosh, did you know single, thin, clean, straight men exist???  His home is impeccable.  He vacuumed baseboards for me.  A couple notes on his house before we move on:

• 4 BR/2BA (I wasn't allowed to see one of the spare bedrooms, haha)
• Dining room is 100% empty. Nada stick o furniture.
• Huge TV with every channel. (I get 10 channels on my borrowed TV)
• He vacuums lines into his carpet.  It is fun to make footprints in the freshly vacuumed floors.  Even more fun to jump waaay out and then back, making it look like you had to fly there to make your mark.  I totally impressed him I think.
• His refrigerator and pantry are completely vacant.
• Empty rooms are great for yoga lessons.
• His couch is the bomb.
• I loved it all.

And he asked me to be his girlfriend.  Like, for real.  He said the words.  

I giggled and just said yes.

Hey Now, I'm a Rock Star

Cutting my hair makes me feel like a rock star.  Probably because my mom always made us keep our hair long whilst experiencing childhood.  Oh, and there was that boyfriend that asked me to promise him I wouldn't cut it for a year (read about that and other shenanigans here).  Well, I have seen the light and fallen in love with cutting my crazy curly hair shorter and shorter each time.

Today I decided it was time to get some space between my hair and my shoulders.  Yup.  I did it.  I just walked in and told my cute little hair dresser to take it off.   She took off over 4 inches of hair AND even did the angled short in the back, long in the front.  

Its styled after Thandie Newtons hair here- but mine wont be that long for another month or two!  Now... if only I can snag the dress?

Off to get my items together for my trip to Harry's tomorrow.  Oh, and get prepared for an 8 a.m. meeting with Super (woo hoo).  

Other than the 8 a.m. rendezvous my Friday is looking pretty stupendous!!

The Day and Way I Fell in Like, Via Video Chat

I might be able to get used to this.

Harry is hanging in there like a champ.  And by hanging in there, I mean, being consistent in his attention giving (which is at a nice mid-high level, im only minorly freaked out at present by it), is still not showing any weird warning signs, and still laughs at my antics.

We have been on 5 dates and have two additionals planned.  

I admit, I have been reserved about all of this.  And I'm still proceeding with caution (thank you to my readers for the much appreciated advice!) but I think I did make a little leap last night.  I've been on the outside looking in I feel like- with this surreal, non dramatic, everything seemingly lining up budding relationship happening before my eyes.  Just observing and not really playing it emotionally- only sarcastically, sillily and just having fun.  

I'm still going to do that of course- have no fear, little miss sarcasm will always be here!!  But, last night I think I had a little bit of feeling stuff come up.  He lives about 1 hr 1/2 away so we don't get to see each other just wheneve.  Well, I got this new mac and we tried video chat last night.  It was the first time I had seen him in his house.  Poor guy, me and my strong personality have drug him all over my little town and my old big city, introduced him to people and put him in all new scenarios.  All the while with people looking at him like the weird dude I found on the internet.

But in his house last night, I saw a new side of him.  He was just laid back on the couch, chillin in his glasses (hot!).  We just laid back together (on our own respective couches) talked, and made funny faces at each other.  Something about the normalcy of it (I know, its not traditionally normal but it is was some other variety of norms), the just being at home and kinda being together but not actually made me just realize how much I really like being with him, seeing him and talking to him. 

So, Friday I'm going to his place for the first time.  And next Friday we are both taking the whole day off to just hang out.  

I think I just might have scored me a man.  

What did I do to him?

I'm used to being ignored by boys.

Ok, that's not exactly true.

I'm used to being ignored by boys once I:

a.) Show interest in them
b.) Kiss them
c.) Verbally state I like them
d.) Ask why they ignore me so much
e.) All of the above

Boys I don't give a crap about kissing, dating, etc. allow me to do, say, or ask for whatever I please and love it. I understand all of the above to some extent, but come on, its all annoying in the end.

So, that said, I'm starting to have a little issue. Well, not necessarily. Eh, who knows.

Harry and I met about a month ago and have been talking for two months now. We have been on 4 dates (wow!) and talk on the phone everyday. Here are some of the things he has said to me:

• I can't wait to see you 100 and 1/2 hours from now
• You can call me anytime
• You are so uniquely fun and exciting
• I go to sleep smiling after I talk to you
• Be careful
• I'm so excited

My question is, is all this too much being so soon? I tell him not to get carried away and he says too late. I'm not used to guys I actually consider being with, being this attuned to me, especially so soon. I mean, he can count very well, thus explaining the first one. My last two men of late have been incapable of counting to 10 in English, much less another language. But still. That is some counting. But more pointedly, that is thoughtful and attentive.

He says he thinks of me often. Its all so nice. He calls when he says he will. He truly, genuinely likes me.

I quoted the 100 hours line to my friend today and she exclaimed, "What did you do to him???!!"

Trust me, nothing like that dear. Nothing like that.

So, is this too much? Or should I just sit back and enjoy it??? I mean, I am a long time single single girl. I kill my own bugs. I sleep alone. I am prepared to fight the boogie man if need be. I mean, I have a steel baseball bat. And my fists. This chick is not used to men that are interesting, showing supreme interest in me!

What to do??

Maybe Its Working Out... !

Wow, I'm afraid to write this post in fear of if I publish these thoughts in writing, they can then be struck down to earth like one of those clay pigeons. But I feel that I owe you (and myself) some good news on occasion.

I might have been wrong.

There, I said it.

I might like Harry.

The Saturday Harry Date was comprised of a short little drive to meet up, and then proceeded to include a daytime sporting event, a cool 8:00 dinner and (since I wasn't tired of him yet) a visit to my favorite blues club. I got home at 4 a.m.

So, lets analyze. Why do I like this guy?

Break out the bullet points.

• He. is. so. easy. to. talk. to. And. fun. to. talk. to. Period.
• He came prepared. And was early.
• Omgosh, he is hilarious. And he gets my humor!
• He talks. About interesting stuff.
• He has a passion. And pursues it.
• He drinks beer and loves God. Maybe I shouldn't put those together but in my mind, they are in a way, quite intertwined.
• He write good.
• He is timely and considerate.
• On a cleanliness scale (as in housekeeping, not hygiene) of 1-10, he is a 9. His impeccable, nothing is out of place car proves it.
• He likes me.

Ok, thats all I can say for now, I'm already scared to say too much too soon. We have a tentative date for Saturday. Wish me and my insanity luck!

Newsflash!

Date with Harry tomorrow! Hmmmm... will this or won't this give me some spark action?

Who knows?! Ahhhh... The joys of dating!!!

The Fabulous Single Life

Lately I've tried looking around my life, seeing what is only reality to me because of my fabulous single life. So much of who we are is defined by who we are with, especially when it comes to relationships.

Here are a couple of things I revel in during these crazy awesome single days:

• I can sleep so late. Work mornings I sleep until 7:52 (after an hour of playing cat and mouse with the alarm clock) and drag my butt into the office right before 9:00 a.m. Weekends... no kiddies needing attention or hubbies rustling the sheets. Ahhhh.... peaceful, perfect sleep.
  
  
• I don't have to share. My shampoo is my shampoo. My TV is my TV. I can buy the expensive coffee because it will last forever anyway. No one is helping themselves to my food. Its all about me around my house. Because I'm the only one who lives here.
  
  
• I pee with the door open.
  
  
• No extra messes.
  
  
• If I feel like leaving the house at midnight for who knows what reason, I can do it. No questions asked or explanations needed. If I want to work late, whoo hoo, I go for it. No late carpools, pissy hubbies w/o dinner. Its drive thru night!
  
  
• I don't have to come home at all actually.
  
  
• I can sit on the couch all night. No moving required.
  
  
• No one makes fun of me or disturbs my aura during yoga.
  
  
• People take care of me. Since I don't have one designated man to look out for my protection and honor, I have a whole man-army cohesively doing so.
  
  
• Clothing is optional. I mean, at home.
  
  
• I can flirt as much as I want. Yeah baby.

Ha, I'm feeling pretty good about my life now. Sure, there's down sides but the positives are pretty good and I want to make sure I don't miss out on anything during this period of my life and am thankful for each open-doored pee. I mean, come on, it could get claustrophobic in there.

Kisses!

And then We Met.

The Setting:

Me and Work Hubby riding to Lunch.

***

The Conversation:

Me: I had a first date last night. (With Harry)

Hubby: You're always doing something.

Me: Whatever, that was my first date in like 10 years.

Hubby: Hmph.

Me: I don't think I like him.

Hubby: Well, you never like anyone.

Me: Yeah, I know.

***

In my defense:

If I had liked someone so far, hopefully I would be with them. Just because I haven't fallen for anyone in a while (that likes me back and does something about it) doesn't mean I'm completely unpleaseable. And come on, it was the very first date product of online dating, how often does that one sweep you off your feet? You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you lay down the law and tell froggie #1928 that he better turn prince or you're out. (just kidding, I will never use the ultimatum tactic.)

***

Now What?:

I am considering seeing him again. I mean, it was far from awful, he was nice, courteous and even borderline funny. I just didn't feel the attraction vibe. And he made me talk to the hostess (bc he was scared). And I had to plan the whole thing and practically talk him into coming.

***

The Silver Lining:

I met a drummer at the beach who may or may not be gay but he plays gigs around my area and is pretty fun and way cute when on stage. We have become friends (its on facebook so its official) and he wants me to come to one of his shows soon. I love being with the band! Who knows what will happen or who I will meet!

***

The Conclusion:

So basically ladies, when one mans disappoints, give him at least one more try and know there are plenty more fishies and good times in the sea!!!

Picky vs. Choosy

After being on the dating scene for a while, you should learn a few things. I mean, I wouldn't know, I hardly ever go on dates. However, luckily I AM literate and can read dating advice. One article struck me lately.

We all have our lists. Tall, dark, handsome, employed, rich, famous, etc. Our lists have probably evolved over the years to shape the present interests and needs in our lives at present. The article addressed these so called hit lists and aimed to help reshape them into more realistic tools rather than over the top stumbling blocks.

Lets go over terminology first.

Picky: This means you are unyielding basically. He must be a prince and if not, he just doesn't deserve you. Picky = Trouble.

Choosy: This means you stick to your morals and values when selecting a dude, but are willing to compromise on the lesser line items. Choosy = Get You One. Eventually.

The example in the book made me laugh out loud in the middle of Barnes and Nobles. The author cited a lady who had put in her personal ad that she was looking for a tall, dark haired and handsome man. She got all kinds of replies but the one that she returned the call on simply stated "I'm tall and handsome but you're gonna have to pass on the hair. Two out of three isn't bad, eh?" She married the guy in the end. She gave a little on something little like hair on top and gained her a solid man.

(Of course I thought this was funny since my main internet dating interest is lacking that the hair department as well and was quite proud of myself for being an accelerated learner and already marching forward towards the less furry men of the world. Who by the way, I have still not met nor have standing plans with at present and have made sure to let him know my patience and attention span are being tested. I'll update that front once I'm no longer in purgatory on this one.)

We girls are often too taken with what looks good on paper and not enough focused on traits such as finding someone who wins respect from us and those around him. Or someone who does little things like help clean up the kitchen or take care of his mother when duty calls.

If passions and mutual respect co align and compliment each other, the other things fall into place. Don't get hung up on details or #27 on your list. He may be a little shorter than desired, have plans to see Harry Potter at midnight this Thursday or wear the same polo, like every special occasion, but if he has your core needs, just do it. The other things grow very small in comparison.

Forget the Bars. I Found the Sweet Spot.

I discovered a new way to pick up guys.

See, my home is old. Thus, I have no dishwasher. Thus, I bought a portable one. Thus, I couldn't EVER get it to hook up to my sink. Well, my dad visited, busted my faucet trying to make it work, and my realty center replaced it. And bam, I had the exact faucet head I needed.

Just missing one little part.

So, I had come home from work, discovered my new faucet, stuck on my cute little purple nike shorts and bee-bopped around the house for a while. The decided to run some errands and try and get my little part to put my personal dish washing days behind me. So, I dropped by Home Depot with my little part in hand, glasses on and hair mussed. And still wearing sequin necked shirt and chandelier earrings left over from work. Not a bad outfit.

So, I walk around clueless in the enormous shopping mall for men and some how find my way to plumbing and start playing around with nipples and joints and washers. I knew my efforts were rather fruitless, but I was just killing time until I stumbled upon a helpful hand. Well, Jose was looking at parts next to me (he enjoys working in his garden after work) and looked at me and said "Wrong size." Then he plucked my piece right out of my hand and started looking for the correct solution to my dishwasher woes. Soon, we were out of options and he only had questions about where I lived and worked. I had to move on.

So, I found an orange aproned man on the next aisle and replied to the negative when he asked me if I was finding everything I needed and shortly had him on his hands and knees finding my correct adapter. I told him what I was doing and he asked, "Are you doing this by yourself?"

"Yes." I replied to the ringless 30 something handyman. Little did I know, that little word must have sparked a fire within his soul.

Seated on the floor beside him, he finally handed me my adapter of choice declaring, "This is what you need."

"Ok," I replied, "Do you promise?" I've had no dishwasher for 6 months. I needed confirmation.

"Yes. But, I'll tell you what, if it doesn't work, you bring it back here, and I'll buy you dinner."

What!!!

But I laughed and said, "Oh, so then I won't have to do the dishes?"

He continued, "If it does work, you can buy me dinner. See, it works out good for you either way."

I continued to laugh it off but he threw out his offer a couple more times and I realized he was being serious. I thanked him for his help and asked him his name (so he wouldn't feel completely rejected of course since I was not about to agree to dinner in the faucet aisle), told him mine and headed out the store.

"I work afternoons and evenings. Just come by and see me." He called after my purple shorts.

I smiled the whole way too my car. Thank goodness for self-checkout so I didn't have to look like an idiot in front of the cashier.

So hey, I think I got asked out on a date for tomorrow night. Within like 5 minutes of meeting guy. I am so hitting up the Hardware Stores more often!!!

I just watched Confessions of Shopaholic. Rebbecca, Isla Fisher's character, has a great relationship with her roommate. They are best friends, understand each other and take care of each other. Then her roommate gets engaged. I couldn't help but almost be brought to tears at what that meant for their friendship. The storyline goes nowhere near that topic but all I could think about was how their friendship, living situation and lives would never be the same.

In my life, I have seen so many people get married. And everything changes. I remember at my sister's wedding I gave my maid of honor speech and told her husband she was more his now than mine. Right I was. She lives a couple thousand miles away from me now and they are living their lives. I was maid of honor in one other wedding and the bride now lives on the opposite coast from me. Another close friend of mine recently got engaged and now our weekly dinners and weekend ventures are not so weekly.

Other people's love has taken my friends so far away from me. Why do I even chase it? I should be mad at love with its blinding tactics and status-quo modifications. I should be mad at it for taking my friends away from me. But there is no way I could be. I'm so happy for my friends.

Love is crazy like that. It can swoop in, churn up homes, jobs, styles, patterns and tastes and we welcome it. We relish in it. I think we all long for something to come in and change life as we know it in exchange for something wonderful. Seeing other people go through it simply makes me see that it is possible. Even if they move across the country (or out of it) and find better things to do than drink 2 for 1 margaritas with me.

I'm not saying its ok to ditch your friends for a significant other. Friends are essential to a happy life. But, you would be in denial if you said marriage does not change friendship. So why do we want love so much? Because that's simply the kind of creatures we are. We are made to love. And what better love can be found that with someone you decide to be your partner through thick and thin for the rest of your life.

Third Base

Things with Harry are progressing. We email everyday. We chatted until 1 a.m. the other night. Oh, remember how I said if mid-week things hadn't moved forward I was going to say something? Well, a few days ago, he asked me if we could do a phone call and I freaked! I said I wanted to but not yet.

So, yesterday, I gave him my number. Ha! No call yet though. Plenty of emails though. Here's a couple things I've learned about him in the past week:

• He owns his house (I'm guessing its a 3/2)
• He plants flowers and such. And keeps them alive.
• Hes the oldest of 3
• He likes photography
• He is right handed

So, I mean, we are at like 3rd base of the pre-meet in this online dating world I would say. But, I'm afraid some of my opinionation and unyieldingness seeped through a bit. He asked me when the last time I went to an amusement park was. Well, since I'm so sharp (and over-analytic) I decided he was feeling me out of possibly taking me to one. So, yet again, I freaked.

Who the heck wants to go to an amusement park for their first meet and greet? I mean, I love them and all, just as much as the next 5 year old, but come on, who can keep up their cuteness at one of those places, especially in July. I had visions of getting partially wet and walking around yanking shorts out of my butt, my hair getting sweaty and fuzzy and mascara seeping all over my face. I mean, I just can't go there. What do you talk about when standing in one of those dreaded lines for an hour when you're pretty much miserable and bored anyway and feeling like cattle? Am I wrong or is that like the worst date on earth to go on with a stranger?

So, I shut him down. I said, "Um, like 2 yrs ago or something. Can't stand the lines." (notice how I couldn't even be bothered to spell out years). So now I'm worried he knows I'm over analytic, up-tight and melt in the heat. Yup, I'm totally reeling him in.

When I grow up, I wanna have boobies

I got a raise at work. Its funny what you (don't) do when have you close to zero discretionary income. And then its funny what you want to do once you have a little to work with.

I decided I wanted two things. Tennis shoes and bras. Both are items I have not purchased since (gasp) college. Its been three years. I started with bras.



I suppose I haven't been very aware of my boobs over the past several years. They don't do much for me. I mean, I don't have a particular functional use for them at present moment. In middle school I would obsess over them, wondering when they would actually be considered big. Eventually I stopped waiting on them to grow. Because they never really did.

Bra shopping was an experience. I almost cried after two hours of 34Bs being too small and 36As being too big, underwires jabbing at my chest and straps that felt like sandpaper. No one was around to help or measure or whatever it is they are supposed to do. Finally, I ended up back in Victoria Secret. I figured if anyone would have something, it would the the land of angels and pink.

I finally found a size that work and clapped my hands like a school girl in the dressing room. My boobs were pretty. These bras work. They boost and shape and push and pop those things right up. Wow, I thought. I have a little something something on top.

Well, I have to admit I made my purchases that day and then came back during the semi-annual sale and did some more damage. But its like I have discovered a new part of myself.

However, like the rest of things in life, sometimes you just want a little more. I stared in the mirror this morning in my fabulous light pink lacy bra and thought, wow, if only the cleavage to bra ratio was a bit more equal. And, like so many things in life, there is always some sort of solution for those truly seeking. So, I grabbed the little black inserts out of the bottom of my sock drawer, stuck them in, and whala! I have more boobies!

It was fun. I rarely wear form fitting clothing but today, I did. And man, what a pair of boobies hiked up in a little black shirt can do for a girl. My whole body looked smaller compared to those things. I mean, it wasn't that I was drastically larger, I was just enhanced and shaped. And it was dang nice.

Social Skills in Social Settings

I have been enjoying a new blog lately, Penelope Trunk's Brazen Careerist. Flipping around her site is entriguing and intimidating. She is like, she-women, a super dupper risk taker, fearless of the odds. Completely witty, pointed and self-assured. I don't agree with everything she says (or does) but her intrigue and ingenuity cannot be ignored.

One post struck me today, titled in short, Social Skills Matter. As her blog focuses on work, as does most of her advice on this topic. As my blog focuses on boys, I decided to steal the topic and give it the little20slife twist.

Social skills are definitely the key to success in this world, and by success I mean, getting what you want. Just think, what stands in your way of most goals? Gatekeepers. Decision makers. Bosses. Parents. Teachers. People. The power of persuasion is now simply called good personal relations.

But how do you relate to people in a good personal way? Here's how I do it.

1. Talk to them. Make an effort to take interest in their individual, special, unique lives. I just love it when I find a talker, the questions start to roll off my lips. What can you ask them you may wonder. Well, how about do they have kids? What are their dreams and passions? Where did they come from? Have they been out of the country? And each question's answer leads to about 5-500 more. Just go for it.

2. Remember what they tell you. And follow up. Nothing says they are important to you other than your genuine interest and following questions regarding your initial questions. It means what they told you was not taken lightly. You took it to heart and care about what is going on in their life. Details count. Stash them away. (But only if they told you. Don't share tidbits they did not tell you unless you can explain it without looking like a stalker.)

3. Give off the open vibe. I can shut a guy in a bar down within .01 seconds. They smile at me (or make eye contact), I hold my lips tight, shoot a couple daggers out my eyes and turn away asap. Want to invite them over to talk? Want to win over the boyfriend's friends? Mother? Roommate? Smile. Laugh. Keep your eyes and body language friendly. Make eye contact and hold it. They will warm to you. (And guys are stupid. Sometimes the inviting body language doesn't work, you just have to approach them. Sorry.)

4. Ask a question. People like to feel knowledgeable and unintimidated. If you ask a question (in a non-quizzical manner), they will feel empowered, important and respected. Ask them about something they like (is raising children rewarding?), or something happening in front of you (why is that girl crazy?). It will stimulate conversation and compliment them.

5. Compliment them. Something that you mean. Being fake just turns them the other way.

6. Persist. If they are not buying you for some reason and are not being hostile or mean, just keep it friendly if it is important to get to know them. Some people are naturally untrusting. The walls will come down with people that are worth getting to know.

So, there are some of the things I use, in work and in life. Its fun seeing what happens just because people like you. Besides the typical free drink at the bar, I get directions, song requests played, behind the scenes tours, discounts and most importantly, friends.

Online Dating Update!

So, as I mentioned two posts ago, the online dating world has been interesting to say the least. I would actually be getting pretty frustrated with it except for one guy that I have ended up talking to... lets call him Harry.


I keep thinking about this bald thing... I like I told you, he is cute with no hair, but being the little hippie wanna be that I am, I always go for the guys with the long, flowy hair and cry when they cut it. I like to run my fingers through it, stroke it, mess it, etc. But you know the thing that calms my spirit about this whole hair thing? Charlotte and Harry. From Sex and the City.

Charlotte is just completely gorgeous and Harry is just not but they are in love and he's so much better for her than the cute doctor she ended up divorcing or any of the other guys that paraded through her life. I'm not saying I'm as beautiful and glamorous as Charlotte or that Harry and my attraction (preemptive, I know) is so great and more fabulous than the long haired hippies of my past, I'm just say that I'm ok with dating, I mean emailing, the bald men of the world. And because of that, he will be called Harry.

So, we first wrote to each other about 2 weeks ago. We've only gone a day here and there without hearing from each other since. Its actually quite exciting. He's so funny. He's so nice. The things he says puts me at ease and I just just tell him stuff, I don't feel invaded upon or intimidated by his questions. I mean, of course I haven't told him anything out of the ordinary but all the basic stuff we've talked about has been just great. Sure, he adores sport and I don't have a clue about them, he doesn't have a clue about my undying love for art but we are different in ways that are compatible thus far.

So, we are now officially emailing from our actual email addresses (at his request, eek!) and hes so nice and completely interested in me thus far. We live like an 1 hr 45 mins away from each other and we both said we are ok with that. So, I am totally in the dark about how to go about this, what time lines are acceptable/normal or whatever but here's what I'm thinking.... I don't want to type to him too much more. I'm afraid if we get to know each other through simply typing and not actually voice or in person interaction we will be awkward in front of each other, like, I will know him too well on one level at not at all on another, you know? And I suck on the phone, I hate talking on phones, I've practically quit using one at work whenever possible, so I say, lets just meet and see if this is actually fun in person before we get too far into all this. Is that crazy?

So, I'm going to go along with this email thing until, lets say, the middle of this week, and then I'm going to just send him my number and tell him to get off his mac and call me. Then hopefully, a time to meet will transpire.

And yes, I already have bought a dress for our first date. Men inspire me. To shop.

This is a Public Service Announcement

So, I just spend the last 20 or so hours with one of my good friends from college.. sort of. She kinda fell into my lap actually.

I was looking for an apartment in the area right around the time I was graduating from college for myself and another friend to live in for the next few months. Well, planned roomie called me up and said her friend from the theatre department needed a place to stay for a month and could she join us, they would share a room. So, I said sure! Anything to help with the bills, right.

Another girl followed me there too so the 4 of us piled into our sweet little 2 BR 2BA apartment and started living life in the real world, paying bills, going to work, killing bugs and cooking dinner. Soon, my follower headed off to her summer school program and shortly after planned roomie decided she wanted to move home. So, theatre friend, Kiki, was last roomie standing. Luckily, Kiki ended up needing a place for the whole summer so we ended up having a great summer watching TV, running around in odd outfits, playing in the shared backyard and quite simply, being ridiculous.

She's a little younger than me so I've always been kind of like the big sister, she calls me mom sometimes with the way we interact. So, yesterday she marched into my place with stories about new boys, text messages, meetings and plans. We watched He's just not that into You and the combination of that movie plus her stories made be decide to give a shot at writing a public service announcement to all the ladies out there that are chasing boys. I know I'm as silly as GiGi in the movie and used to be as naive as Kiki but looking from the outside I can see a little better. Hopefully this can serve as a reminder/guide to both you and I!


A Public Service Announcement: Things of Men to Beware!

• If you receive a text message saying, "I don't want to be in a relationship, but you can still come spend the night with me." or some form thereof, punch him in the face. This is not sweet. This is straight up disrespect. If you slip up and fall for that line and after the fact realize it is stupid, do not try and go back to being "just friends." Write his butt off!
  


• If you just meet a guy and he starts talking about how it is his responsibility to keep you safe, make your life perfect, take care of your every need, and you are not in an actual serious relationship with him, please run. This is all desperate, lonely, controlling, moving way to fast talk. Sure, it sounds sweet, but no guy should want to shower all that on you the first week of meeting you. He has an ulterior motive because those are easy ways to get a girl to swoon. Beware and be ok to take care of yourself!
  
  
• If you have a best guy friend and you think you all will date someday, oh and by date you mean marry, you may need to think again. Have you asked him to date you multiple times and he said some variation of "You're too good for me" or "We are so much better friends, I don't want to ruin what we have"? If so, take that as him nicely telling you, hes just not that into you. Like the movie says, if the guy wants it to happen, he will make it happen.
  
  
• Guys are really good at getting you to break up with them rather than having to do it themselves. I love the clip in the movie with the ladies on the bench talking about all the sneaky ways guys break up with them, when you actually think it was your idea. Key words include "I'm so jealous of the next guy that gets to be with you" or "I don't want to hold you back" or just acting like a jerk until you dump them to get their attention and then it ends up sticking.

I hate that women can be so blind to our opposite gender's antics. I adore men, I totally do (thought I'd throw that out there in case you cannot tell from this blog) but dang, they can be total douche bags and when you mess with one of my friends, you better back off.

So, kisses to all my ladies. Be careful out there! Love ya!

The Wonderful World of Online Dating

A few of the highlights of the experience:

• Man, there's a lot of guys out there
• Wow, there's a lot of freaks out there
• Lots of people reject me
• I reject lots of people
• Its hard to reject a one armed man
• Apparently one armed men don't like me because he rejected me
• There are a few really cool guys
• The really cool ones don't talk to me or are already taken
• Mostly weird guys try to contact me
• After a while, I started to reconsider what are needs vs. wants
• Its all a little exhausting

So basically, its like real life just a little less personal, less embarrassing and a little quicker.

But, I will tell you this, its not all for naught. I've actually been emailing a really nice, funny, cute, bald guy. Ok, not bald, looks like he shaves his head. I'm not sure if that's a sensitive subject or not so I haven't asked what the deal is yet. His brother has a shaved head too so I was thinking maybe its personal preference? But, hes actually pretty cute with no hair. He's 30, I have no idea what his job title means, hes a christian and he uses words like "clinched" in written correspondence.

I think he senses some of my neurosis, however, I keep getting emails! Score! Wow, I don't know how this thing works, what happens from here?

Guess I'll let you know in the coming entries!

Should I stay or should I go now?

Well, a couple things have happened since the last time I've written about happenings in my life. Its been a roller coaster of emotions around here and I'm just trying to sort through them all and deal with it without going crazy wild or simply stopping and crying for a few days.

Well, Mr. Nice Guy and I had a pretty big fight. Its so much history and so much baggage. Two years of dating and one year of being "friends." We tried to go to a wedding together this weekend which essentially ended up with us lost in an unknown city at 10:45 p.m. with me having not eaten since 4, no place to stay that night and Mr. So Called Nice Guy yelling at me for being concerned with all three of those things. All I could do was dissolve into tears and state that I needed to be taken home.

I told him I need to take a break from all the drama that comes with us hanging out. That I don't need an explanation, emails or phone calls. Whatever needs to be said, I'm sure has been said at some point over the past three years and we just need time to think and be ourselves away from each other. He just said ok and that hes sorry and respects my decision. So, I don't know what to do with that, I just hope I can stay strong and not fall back on him like I always do.

So, here I am staring at a bleak weekend without even any online prospects (I will save THAT synopsis for another entry) and who else but Mr. Big pops up on my facebook chat. (Check out this blog for background info.) Here's about how the conversation went (spitting my best game and all).

Mr. Big: you beautiful piece of woman you come to bonnaroo with me (he's too cool for punctuation)

Me: Yes! Yes! Mr. Big, whatever you say!

To top it off, Mr. commitmentphobe hasn't even bought tickets yet, plane or bonnaroo, and it starts this weekend! On the other hand, what could be better than a weekend away from this place with someone I absolutely have a blast with? And hello, bonnaroo? Omgosh, I have always been too sensible to go but it would like be my heaven on earth. They even encourage you to bring local organic food with as little as possible packaging material and bug spray sans deet (not sure whats wrong with deet but I'm sure its some environmental sin).

Ok, Ben Harper, Grace Potter, Girl Talk, Zac Brown, Phish, Springsteen, ahhh! Oh, and Mr. Big.

So, Its totally what I need, right? Noooo. Yes!!!!!

UPDATE:

I'm not going. He makes me too stupid. I will be setting my pandora quickmix to the above mentioned artists this weekend though happy with the $250 I could have spent on a ticket still in my bank account.

A house, a home

I was going to write a post on flirting 101 but instead I need to share an inkling I had today. Hopefully you will enjoy it as much as the flirting post and maybe it will even be equally as informative.

My dad is visiting me tonight here in my town, in my neighborhood, in my house. It was funny and different to see this place through his eyes, a person I've known my whole life. I've kinda been annoyed with my place lately... well, disenchanted. My neighbors are weird, I get lonely, and the street noise is loud.

He said something today that I have not give any thought to at all in months. He said, "I really like this place God has given you."

God gave me this place? I always think I am in control, not Him and so it took me aback, hearing that simple truth. And it was so relieving. He has a plan for me. In my weird little town, though I think I should leave, in my weird little neighborhood, with nosy old men, and in my weird little house, with minimal foundational support but lots of charm.

So I don't have to question my choices or be overwhelmed with decisions as of where to move, where to work, who to date, who to marry. My Father in heaven has a plan for me, even though I feel so undeserving, and so long as I am His child and his follower, I get all the wonderful things he has in store. All I have to do is open my heart and let Him lead me.

I am so glad my dad reminded me who was actually running the show.

I could whine more.. but the roach is moving.

I'm feeling a little down lately. I feel down about being down because I'm always that happy go-lucky girl. But I'm just kinda in a lull. Summer is great and all but it seems like everyone goes away. My sister is studying abroad so I don't have my normal hangout bud. My closest friend in my city just got engaged and so she is super busy with him, wedding stuff and family stuff.

And I have this habit of hanging out with Mr. Nice Guy... a lot... and lately I've felt like it will never work out between us. On top of that, I'm supposed to go to this wedding with him this weekend an hour away and I'll be bored half the time because he will be doing groomsmen stuff so I can either go hang out alone in the city or wait around on a guy I feel just so-so about. (I already tried to beg off but he wants me to go so bad and I feel like I would betray him as my friend by not going especially since I already said I would.) And, as just a nice side dish to the weekend, the guy from college who broke my heart (my first real, mature relationship away from my overprotective parent's grip) will be there with his Oh so tall and naturally pretty I-don't-have-to-even-wear-make-up-or-heels wife. And I'll be there (in make up and heels) with a guy I broke up with a year ago.

Yeah, and (while I'm on my whining rant) the most exciting thing that has happened to me lately is that I got pepper spray. Woo. Woo.

And ew. There is a roach out here. I can't even enjoy my own darn porch. I'm going to bed.

Sorry for the sulking but thank you for listening. And I am going out tomorrow night so maybe I'll have better material next time.

****

Update:

Roaches no likey pepper spray.

You only live once!

So, I realize my last post was a bit out there. Ducks. Kissing. Animal rights. I suppose I could be a bit more accepting of other people and their activities. I'll write him back sometime. In the meantime I'll just concentrate on the ducks I am saving and not take on the world at this moment. I mean, lets be honest, I can't kiss every duck hunter in the world. And that didn't work anyway first go around.

Anyway, on another note, I have news.

I am now online dating. Eeeek!

I am so not sure what to think about this. But, I decided to give it a shot. I even uploaded a picture!! (Ahhh!!) I decided that I can't remember the last time I met a nice, respectable Christian guy that I was interested in so I figured I'd cast my net in some new waters.

So far though to be honest, no luck. These guys are all weird. Ugh. But, I will keep my eyes open and see what happens. And I keep being tempted to answer all the about me questions with jokes. But, I refrained and only have one jokey answer. But I mean, come on, the way I move is definitely the first thing people notice about me. Lol, like that won't scare away any respectable Christian men. But, I like the ones that don't scare easy.

So, I will just wait and see what turns up!

Overheard at the Beach

An unworthy tribute to the hilarious blog, Overheard in New York

Many people said some random things to me this weekend. I ended up out alone two of the three nights we were out so I made tons of new friends and heard tons of weird stuff. Here are some of the toppers.

***

Street Guy: So, how old are you?

Me: 25, You?

Street Guy: 27. Man, you're old.

***

Random Middle Aged Hippie Drunk Lady to Me: (She motions me towards her as if to share a secret)

"I can go out with an old man and have him hit on me all night OR I can go out my myself and have three hot guys hit on me!"

(Then dissolves in to giggles upon completing her line) Oh, and yes, she was out with an old man. Poor three hot guys never got their chance.

***

Cute boy I danced with... and refused kisses from, shamed for killing ducks (I think they call it hunting?), made recycle his beer bottle and gawked at for confessing to peeing in the pool(well, all of his friends did too! And then continued to swim in it.) to me:

"You dance okay for a conservative girl."

***

Bartender to random guy walking in: Hey, are you with her? (pointing to me)

Random Guy: No.

Bartender to kitchen help walking in: Hey, are you with her? (pointing to me)

Kitchen Help: No.

Bartender to thug stumbling in: Hey, are you with her? (pointing to me)

Stumbling Thug: No.

Bartender to room: Ok, just wanted to make sure she was free.

***

That's probably the best way to sum up my weekend. Happy Memorial Day!!

I´m headed to the beach this weekend. Sunshine. Waves. Porch Dinners. I can´t wait!! While I procrastinate packing, I figured I would make a list of what I need to bring. Feel free to borrow the list for whatever excursions you find yourself on this summer!

1. Much Sunscreen. If I get more than 15 minutes of sun, my melatoninless skin burns to a crisp.
2. The random assortment of alcohol that has accumulated at my place. Roommates, sisters, friends, etc have left their fruity, girly, rather cheap, headache concoctions behind at my place. A girls beach trip is the perfect time to clean out the freezer.
3. Dresses. Bikinis. Flip Flops. There's my outfit for each day.
4. My business cards. I have my funky home business cards that I give to the earthy, funky guys, and my actual job cards that I give to more professional contacty people. Ok, well, I've handed out cards like twice in my life. Its a new objective for 09 though.
5. Laptop. Then I can facebook whoever I meet... its the background check of the 21st century.
6. My new pilates DVD. I like to pretend like I'll use it. And pretend like I can dance away 10 pounds before Friday. (A girl can always dream!)
7. My game.
8. My undying hope that I will meet the perfect, fun, single christian man at the beach waiting just for me to sweep my off my feet.
9. Cheese and crackers baby.
10. My girls!!!

Yay!! Ok, now I'm psyched up to pack!!

Europa Part II

So, our jerky friend left us to brave the town alone. So, EuroShe and I head off to the club at 2 am following some strangers, winding through the tiny streets, completely unable to have retraced our steps if we so desired. But who cares. We were going dancing.

So, we dance. I tell off the doorman. We get promoted to dancing on stage. She kisses stranger1 we followed to the club. I text EuroHe and tell him to get his jerk self over here. And we dance the night away on stage in the basement of the club.

EuroShe ends up outlasting me. I was about spent and sat down to rest my dancing booty. I had barely taken a sip of my water and out of nowhere this guy bolts out of the stair case, does a little spin and plops down right next to me and starts speaking in all spanish. So, we converse to the best of my ability.. which mostly included me begging him to walk us to the closest subway so we would be able to get home. I think I asked him no less than 20 times, just to make sure we were on the same page. Haha. Stupido Americano.

AlFrio keeps my tired holidaying booty company while EuroShe shows off her staying awake and alive skills. Eventually we leave. Alfrio keeps his promise, walking us to the subway, all the while trying to kiss me and talk me into hanging out the following day. Quite flattering. Perfect opportunity to use the rejection section from my lonely planet book.

Alfrio sweetly says his adioses at the subway and bids us well. We disappear underground, happily on our way home.

But no.

Wrong way. Point A does not go to Point B.

So we wander.

And wander.

Go in a subway... emerge 5 minutes later looking bewildered.

Curse jerky EuroHe.

Smoke a cigarette (EuroShe that is.)

Wander.

So, in order to get home it took getting my booty grabbed by the cerveza guy, the guy EuroShe lends a light to following us, me using the rest of Lonely Planet's rejection section, hearing "free sex" and "Sexo Machine!" screamed at us every corner we turned and my scream waking all the homeless people in the subway system.

We eventually make it home. And the sky is a light shade of blue. We planned on completing the evening by pulling EuroHe out of bed and stomping on him on the floor but somehow, we made it home before he did.

Oh what a night.

Pasty to Pearly

Work makes me a bore. Buildings. Meetings. Suits. Collars. It seeps into my pasty young skin, threatening to suck me in and turn me into a stupid building office meeting loving drone. Bye bye young fun girl. Hello boring peon.

However, I've made a discovery. I discovered the cure for letting out the young, carefree, spirited me that is absolutely irresistible to all the surrounding men.

European Air.

A week of holidaying like the Europeans has brought me back into my perfectly freckled pearly skin. I rocked it. In the disco tech. In the bar. In the subway system. It was fab.

My two Euro friends and I would embark on the town around midnight and get started. They taught me euro things, like words, how to properly finish a bottle of vino, and how to pay for a drink at the bar. I taught them how to dance like soulja boy, how to act out the words to Janis Joplin's Mercedes Benz and how to flirt like an American.

Well, EuroShe and EuroHe had a little thing going... but was way undefined, especially with so many cute fun foreigners around. One night, while EuroHe was on his way to get us drinks, two thirty/forty something blonds with boobs and tank tops snagged him and engulfed him in foreign conversation. EuroShe freaked a bit (rightfully so, he was getting our drinks for goodness sake!) so I asked if she wanted me to talk to him.

"No way." She responded.

"Well, do you want to talk to him?" I offer.

"No way."

"Well, do you want to talk to other guys?" I suggest.

"Yes!!"

So, I look right, I look left, and exclaim in my best accent, "Hola!!! Que Tal!" to the very near rather attractive guy.

And so, the battle begins. We chatted up the entire place and by the end I knew all the guys and girls names. Ok, well, if i could have pronounced them I would have known everyone's name.

The bar closes so we all migrate outside. EuroHe is talking to some Jamaican looking dudes. EuroShe and I are talking to a couple other people heading towards another obscure club.

"EuroHe, lets go dance!!" We call.

"I'm gonna have a drink with these guys." What??

So we end up splitting up. And the adventure begins.

I would tell you the adventure but I have some serious jet lag and after traveling 24 hours, getting in, falling asleep for a few hours, and going to work, I have lost my foreign glow. Therefore, I am off to my wonderful bed to reclaim my glow, and will update sometime when I awake.

Au revoir!

So, a young single dude likes me.

Yup. Unmarried. No kids. Got a job.

But, hes like 5 ft even.

And made the mistake of asking Hubby to "hook him up."

And he ignores me in public even though we totally know each others names. Up until this news from hubby, I thought he hated me.

So, at least I have an admirer. But I can't date a man that is a snot to women.

Act your age. Be a man. Be nice to the girls you like. And don't go through the At Work Hubby.

Memoirs of a Modern Day Geisha

Lets start by saying no, a geisha is not synonymous with prostitute. I am in no way sharing memoirs of my recently turned trick.

So, if you haven't read the book, a geisha is an entertainer of men. These men are usually older and hire geisha to attend their parties in order to enjoy their presence. And, geisha don't marry. Their life is their work. Wikipedia puts it best when explaining the nature of the relationships between geisha and the men they entertain:

"Geisha engagements may include flirting with men and playful innuendos; however, clients know that nothing more can be expected. In a social style that is common in Japan, men are amused by the illusion of that which is never to be."

After reading the enthralling book, Memoirs of a Geisha, I have started to see similarities of these geisha/men relationship in my own reality. Most of my male encounters these days are with older, married men, due to the nature of work I am in. I am one of the only younger people around so these men, like I referred to in my previous entry, just take to me. It has blown my mind how they can be so over the age difference, life experience difference, and um, they are married difference, and just dote on me, telling me I'm beautiful, getting borderline mushy at work parties after a few drinks and just simply helping me when I just need a man to get it done.

The thing that blew my mind about the book is basically the same, these men hiring geisha are mostly all married, much older and have lived totally different lives. However, they have this need and yearning and love for young women. Then you look at Bible times and so many leaders in the Bible had several wives. Its an ancient practice no longer accepted now, but I clearly see these remaining whimpers of desires in the grown men around me.

For example, one man at work, with a position similar to Sayuri's Danna (Danna... man who supports a Geisha for a length of time) from the book, called The Chairman, is a friendly 50 year old man that is funny, takes time to listen to his employees, a bit scattered, but has a good heart and is someone I can call a friend. He makes no effort to hide that he thinks I'm attractive or that he enjoys my presence.

One day I was having an awful day. I was stressed from work but the main thing bothering me was the night before due to exhaustion I had a major distaste at my house... a bookshelf fell while packing up items to decorate at a wedding for that weekend, breaking a ton of my decorations, some handmade, and I had no one to help me put everything back together and clean up the remains. It made me feel so utterly alone. The Chairman walked by my office, stopped in and asked me, "What's wrong?" Those two words were all it took and the whole story and a river of tears just came tumbling out of me. Chairman listened and offered to help me get all the remaining items to the event, help unload and set up so I wouldn't have to go it alone. And he did. In the pouring rain. For an outside wedding.

You can call it friendship, and yes, it is. But now after reading the book and seeing into these relationships of the past, it seems a bit different than friendship. That day he was different than a friend. He didn't want anything more than friendship but enjoyed his ability to bail me out and be the hero of the day. And whatever illusions he had in his head.

My question is (other than what should I establish my hourly entertainment rate at... jk) do other women experience this in their life? Where do you draw the line? Should I cut off friendship knowing these guys are borderline geisha lovers? And how the heck did I get classified in the geisha group rather than the wife group? (Not saying I want to marry these old dudes, just saying why is the male attention I get from the old married and not young single.)

Maybe because I'm not chomping at the bit to get married. Maybe because I break up with my sweet boyfriend after two years because I don't know what love is. Maybe because I see the sweetness in these married men and am glad I have at least someone to turn to when everything crumbles to the floor and I'm alone with a smoking car or furniture to move or broken pieces of home decor all over the floor.

The Hubby vs. The Hero

When being single, 20 something, in a city with no family and living alone, (and being charming as I totally am doesn't hurt) the surrounding random men begin to sort of "take ownership" of my well being. Whether I like it or not.

For example, the old retired, eccentric man that lives across the street from me picks up all the sticks from my yard and pulls my trash to the curb each week. Kinda weird when he goes through my trash but I just look on the bright side (no touching dirty trash cans) and move on.

At work though, it gets a little deeper since that's where I spend the majority of my time. After a while, you get to know people and they get to know you. Well, I think I may have eluded to At Work Hubby before. He is a cute decade or so older than me divorced dude living his own single and fabulous life. He's charming and flirty and so even though he has a son my little sisters age, I enjoy our witty exchanges. We occasionally have lunch together and crash each other's offices to complain to each other about our day, issues or personal lives. He brings me snacks from meetings, lifts my heavy boxes and calls me when we work late to poke at me. He's pretty cool but best left as a friend (a point I make plenty clear) but he has decided that nobody else better be my friend like he is.

Well, another guy, Super Hero, took a liking to me from the beginning. He is married with 2 cute little boys and is in his 30s. However, he continues to bring me little goodies, drops by to talk, brings be Starbucks, changed my tire when he found out it was airless, gets worried about me and calls me to see if I'm ok and even gave me flowers on my birthday.

Sometimes Super Hero makes me a little nervous in that he is married and is so dang nice to me. So, what else should I do but talk to At Work Hubby about it for the male point of view. Well, At Work Hubby has gotten pretty dang jealous of Super Hero. Super Hero is just through the roof with his thoughtfulness, speediness and resourcefulness and even though Hubby I actually consider a friend, which gives him the best position, he can't stand me having a Super Hero in my life.

So, Super Hero and I have been working on this huge project together lately. Well, poor Hubby has to walk past my door to go to the elevator, bathroom, exit, etc., but mostly the bathroom. So here are Super Hero and I, huddled up in my office over our project for hours and hours while poor Hubby walks by for his morning, noon, afternoon, mid-afternoon pee only to see us laughing eating, drinking and being merry while chipping away at our task at hand.

Well, Hubby got onto me one afternoon (I mean, what is this? He totally takes this hubby thing seriously) picking on me about hanging with Super so much. Despite my many explanations, he got all pissy and pouty of course leading me to lecture him on how he needed to get his own life and quit worrying about mine.

So, the next day, Super and I are finishing up our project when here comes Hubby for his morning pee. Well, this time, rather than passing by, Hubby decides to take a new route and comes into my office and proceeds to put on a beautiful act of shaking hands with Super, patting backs, throwing around "How YOU doin?s" and playing catch up like old friends. (How many times did he see the back of his head yesterday while going to the bathroom) So I sit there while Hubby thoroughly enjoys his new found way to crash our "party."

Finally after all the, "Hows the WIFE" and "How're the BOYS, a.k.a. your CHILDREN" I tell hubby he is going to pee his pants if he gets anymore excited about catching up with Super and that he better get on his ridiculous way to the bathroom so we can finish our project.

They nervously laugh and hubby leaves to go pee.

Little boys and their little battles. Hubby should have just invited Super to go play swords if he wants to fight about it.

A Black Sheep in Love

One of my friend's little sisters is getting married. Its one of those jaw dropping naysayer inspiring situations. She has kinda been one of those "black sheep" children. Daughter of ultra conservative christian parents, she had done her own thing, not sought their approval and been extremely independent while her other siblings relied pretty heavily on them. She was the one that when all the siblings got in trouble, she purposely stirred the pot to make a point that no one could control her. Throughout high school and college she continued to stress that point while doing her own thing and going for what she wanted. She has been pretty successful, had fun along the way, had her share of troubles, but overall succeeded and given her parents a good bit of grief along the way.

I too have always tried to keep my parents at arms length and do it my own dang self. Once at about age 10, I spilled watercolor paints all over my sweet white bedroom carpet. After scrubbing it with one of our pink bathroom washcloths and had only proven mastery of co-mingling the blue with the yellow with the green with the red, I decided rather than asking mommy for the carpet cleaner and her stain removing expertise why not just handle it internally and eliminate the problem? So, I just cut off the top layer of carpet, tossed it in the trash and went about my painting. Twas a beautiful day. (Yes, I got in trouble later despite my moderately convincing denial)

I've struggled with the conservative, restrictive parents and a free, curious spirit pretty much all my life. My crazy internal rebellious self gets pleasure from doing things my own way, apart from however my parents would like me to do it. I love to prove them wrong by succeeding on my own terms... when they would have never recommended that route. This often gets me in trouble because sometimes I do things they would hate that are not for any fruitful purpose, and I should probably just listen to them and take their advice.

Being an independent girl and whimsical, unconventional weirdo at that, its hard to simply fall into a christian homes expectations. I have a need to figure things out myself and that often means trial and error whether that's a good thing or not. While I have a desire to be different I also do have an underlying desire to simply be good, follow God and be at peace with my parents and their wishes.

So, let me relate all this back to my original story. Well, Black Sheep Daughter has dated all over the playing field. Older guys, frat guys, non-christian guys and stupid lesser than her guys. Most recently she out of the blue broke it off with a sweet (but rather boring in my opinion) long term boy. One month later, she got a text from a cute, but extremely aloof, outspoken, silly, crazy guy from this little bitty church they go to. From there they were basically inseparable. Hes a crazy christian guy and she has since given up all forms of drinking, her plans to live in a major city post graduation miles away from her parents and accepted his proposal (of marriage!) 3 months after receiving the first text message. Now, merely two months later, she is just days away from tying the knot.

Its been so fast. And her parents approve so much. And she hangs out with him with her parents. A lot. Everyone is gawking at the speed of the relationship, the change in black sheep daughter and her complete okayness with settling down at 21 as a little tee-totalling, parental loving housewife.

I was pretty shocked at first too. But now I get it. Being restless and rebellious and self gratifying are only symptoms of situations and beliefs... not character traits. No one wants to be a black sheep, or sinful or independent to a fault. We just want to be loved. Black Sheep Daughter finally saw through her choices and saw what was important. She finally saw how she could live with her beliefs and be herself. And she saw it in this crazy, unconventional boy who fell in love with her craziness and her love of God underneath all the rebelling.

We all have this desire to be one with God, to be loved by God and others and to love God and others our own self. We also all have the natural tendency to run from this because of our selfishness and human tendencies. In Black Sheep Daughter's love story I see her winning this battle.

I am not saying I need the love of a man to help me win my battle but that her story inspires me to keep fighting it and that what I truly want and need will win in the end.