Tuesday, April 14, 2009

A Black Sheep in Love

One of my friend's little sisters is getting married. Its one of those jaw dropping naysayer inspiring situations. She has kinda been one of those "black sheep" children. Daughter of ultra conservative christian parents, she had done her own thing, not sought their approval and been extremely independent while her other siblings relied pretty heavily on them. She was the one that when all the siblings got in trouble, she purposely stirred the pot to make a point that no one could control her. Throughout high school and college she continued to stress that point while doing her own thing and going for what she wanted. She has been pretty successful, had fun along the way, had her share of troubles, but overall succeeded and given her parents a good bit of grief along the way.

I too have always tried to keep my parents at arms length and do it my own dang self. Once at about age 10, I spilled watercolor paints all over my sweet white bedroom carpet. After scrubbing it with one of our pink bathroom washcloths and had only proven mastery of co-mingling the blue with the yellow with the green with the red, I decided rather than asking mommy for the carpet cleaner and her stain removing expertise why not just handle it internally and eliminate the problem? So, I just cut off the top layer of carpet, tossed it in the trash and went about my painting. Twas a beautiful day. (Yes, I got in trouble later despite my moderately convincing denial)

I've struggled with the conservative, restrictive parents and a free, curious spirit pretty much all my life. My crazy internal rebellious self gets pleasure from doing things my own way, apart from however my parents would like me to do it. I love to prove them wrong by succeeding on my own terms... when they would have never recommended that route. This often gets me in trouble because sometimes I do things they would hate that are not for any fruitful purpose, and I should probably just listen to them and take their advice.

Being an independent girl and whimsical, unconventional weirdo at that, its hard to simply fall into a christian homes expectations. I have a need to figure things out myself and that often means trial and error whether that's a good thing or not. While I have a desire to be different I also do have an underlying desire to simply be good, follow God and be at peace with my parents and their wishes.

So, let me relate all this back to my original story. Well, Black Sheep Daughter has dated all over the playing field. Older guys, frat guys, non-christian guys and stupid lesser than her guys. Most recently she out of the blue broke it off with a sweet (but rather boring in my opinion) long term boy. One month later, she got a text from a cute, but extremely aloof, outspoken, silly, crazy guy from this little bitty church they go to. From there they were basically inseparable. Hes a crazy christian guy and she has since given up all forms of drinking, her plans to live in a major city post graduation miles away from her parents and accepted his proposal (of marriage!) 3 months after receiving the first text message. Now, merely two months later, she is just days away from tying the knot.

Its been so fast. And her parents approve so much. And she hangs out with him with her parents. A lot. Everyone is gawking at the speed of the relationship, the change in black sheep daughter and her complete okayness with settling down at 21 as a little tee-totalling, parental loving housewife.

I was pretty shocked at first too. But now I get it. Being restless and rebellious and self gratifying are only symptoms of situations and beliefs... not character traits. No one wants to be a black sheep, or sinful or independent to a fault. We just want to be loved. Black Sheep Daughter finally saw through her choices and saw what was important. She finally saw how she could live with her beliefs and be herself. And she saw it in this crazy, unconventional boy who fell in love with her craziness and her love of God underneath all the rebelling.

We all have this desire to be one with God, to be loved by God and others and to love God and others our own self. We also all have the natural tendency to run from this because of our selfishness and human tendencies. In Black Sheep Daughter's love story I see her winning this battle.

I am not saying I need the love of a man to help me win my battle but that her story inspires me to keep fighting it and that what I truly want and need will win in the end.

1 comment:

  1. Surprising isn't it? How life turns out!

    I hope "Black Sheep Daughter" finds happiness in the guy and the path of life she has chosen...

    I believe that you too will find the right path and will know immediately when it is THE ONE.