Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Formal Events, Blow Up Sex Toys and a Darn Good Man

It might be true most of the time to say no two days at my work are ever the same. Well, It was never more true than today.

So, sometimes I plan events for my work. We have a big, formal dinner in honor of the clients tomorrow that I have been planning for some weeks now. The president of the company is coming, the CEO is speaking and everyone has been running around looking for the "perfect" outfit.

So, I ordered a great big expensive backdrop custom made to drape across the back wall and accent the room. Its gorgeous. A night view of the city taken by a professional photographer. Its one of those photographs that make all the lights in the city glisten like stars. Over done I know but I am catering to my audience. Modern art they would see us as too forward and move on. Anyway, due to the many layers of approvals, sign-offs and proofs, the backdrop was not coming in until today, the day before the event.

This is pretty typical. People always hold out until the last minute and I have other crap to do so I'm not worried. I got back from lunch today and saw the package outside my door and clapped my hands in joy. I drug the thing in my office and got to work, not having time to take it out. I knew what it looked like anyway. We could just unpack and hang the following day.

Well, Office Neighbor came in and wanted to take a look so we opened it up. It had some odd packaging in it that I disregard as repurposed cushioning material (since backdrops needs big time cushioning.)

Office Neighbor pushed my non-inquisitiveness and proceeded to pull the entire thing out of the package. Well... it was pink. And curvy. And inflatable. And a she. Visions of Lars and the Real Girl start running through my head. Rather than my scintillating cityscape backdrop, I received a larger than life blow up sex toy.

Like, huge.

Thus, I stand in shock with Office Neighbor not knowing how to act. Soon, we begin dying laughing but on some level I'm still thinking my expensive time sensitive backdrop will some how unfold from the folds of this submissive seductress' plastic skirt.

So, I get on the phone and call my guy, the guy who I place regular orders with who had assured me this would be here right on time, and explain the situation.

"You are kidding me. Its not funny." He says.

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are. Quit picking on me. You know I'm going to have a stroke if you do this to me."

"Favorite Middleman, I am not this funny. There is no way I could make this up. "

"Ok, let me make a call."

Favorite Middleman shows up unannounced in my office ten minutes later. I had already tidied up (except for the woman all over my floor. That i left out for effect) because what man would miss this hilarious/stimulating scene.

A couple phone calls later it unravels that my super expensive time is of the essence I need it tomorrow as in today is at some porn shop in south Florida. And guess where his time sensitive larger than life need it for the grand opening this weekend super-sized sex doll is.

So, Middleman leaves to say some things in appropriate for a young girl's sweet unknowing ears to witness and lays it on the line to old sex shop owner that he ain't seeing nothing of his sexy plastic friend until he overnights the cityscape.

So, I now have the cityscape on a plane somewhere.. or boat or bike, (I really don't care as long as it gets to me) headed straight to a particular Middleman who is going to bring it directly to my event and hang for me as well as complete any other last minute preparations that need to be done.

And I have a super-sized pretty in pink blond haired blue eyed half naked life of the party blow up sex toy in my office.



  1. Oh my, what a doozie! That takes the cake for mailing incidents.

    I hope all goes well now!

  2. LOL! just the story to brighten my morning. :)

  3. Just to let you know I have an award for you at my blog! Thanks again for writing, I enjoy your style!