Saturday, June 27, 2009
In my life, I have seen so many people get married. And everything changes. I remember at my sister's wedding I gave my maid of honor speech and told her husband she was more his now than mine. Right I was. She lives a couple thousand miles away from me now and they are living their lives. I was maid of honor in one other wedding and the bride now lives on the opposite coast from me. Another close friend of mine recently got engaged and now our weekly dinners and weekend ventures are not so weekly.
Other people's love has taken my friends so far away from me. Why do I even chase it? I should be mad at love with its blinding tactics and status-quo modifications. I should be mad at it for taking my friends away from me. But there is no way I could be. I'm so happy for my friends.
Love is crazy like that. It can swoop in, churn up homes, jobs, styles, patterns and tastes and we welcome it. We relish in it. I think we all long for something to come in and change life as we know it in exchange for something wonderful. Seeing other people go through it simply makes me see that it is possible. Even if they move across the country (or out of it) and find better things to do than drink 2 for 1 margaritas with me.
I'm not saying its ok to ditch your friends for a significant other. Friends are essential to a happy life. But, you would be in denial if you said marriage does not change friendship. So why do we want love so much? Because that's simply the kind of creatures we are. We are made to love. And what better love can be found that with someone you decide to be your partner through thick and thin for the rest of your life.
So, yesterday, I gave him my number. Ha! No call yet though. Plenty of emails though. Here's a couple things I've learned about him in the past week:
- He owns his house (I'm guessing its a 3/2)
- He plants flowers and such. And keeps them alive.
- Hes the oldest of 3
- He likes photography
- He is right handed
So, I mean, we are at like 3rd base of the pre-meet in this online dating world I would say. But, I'm afraid some of my opinionation and unyieldingness seeped through a bit. He asked me when the last time I went to an amusement park was. Well, since I'm so sharp (and over-analytic) I decided he was feeling me out of possibly taking me to one. So, yet again, I freaked.
Who the heck wants to go to an amusement park for their first meet and greet? I mean, I love them and all, just as much as the next 5 year old, but come on, who can keep up their cuteness at one of those places, especially in July. I had visions of getting partially wet and walking around yanking shorts out of my butt, my hair getting sweaty and fuzzy and mascara seeping all over my face. I mean, I just can't go there. What do you talk about when standing in one of those dreaded lines for an hour when you're pretty much miserable and bored anyway and feeling like cattle? Am I wrong or is that like the worst date on earth to go on with a stranger?
So, I shut him down. I said, "Um, like 2 yrs ago or something. Can't stand the lines." (notice how I couldn't even be bothered to spell out years). So now I'm worried he knows I'm over analytic, up-tight and melt in the heat. Yup, I'm totally reeling him in.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
I decided I wanted two things. Tennis shoes and bras. Both are items I have not purchased since (gasp) college. Its been three years. I started with bras.
I suppose I haven't been very aware of my boobs over the past several years. They don't do much for me. I mean, I don't have a particular functional use for them at present moment. In middle school I would obsess over them, wondering when they would actually be considered big. Eventually I stopped waiting on them to grow. Because they never really did.
Bra shopping was an experience. I almost cried after two hours of 34Bs being too small and 36As being too big, underwires jabbing at my chest and straps that felt like sandpaper. No one was around to help or measure or whatever it is they are supposed to do. Finally, I ended up back in Victoria Secret. I figured if anyone would have something, it would the the land of angels and pink.
I finally found a size that work and clapped my hands like a school girl in the dressing room. My boobs were pretty. These bras work. They boost and shape and push and pop those things right up. Wow, I thought. I have a little something something on top.
Well, I have to admit I made my purchases that day and then came back during the semi-annual sale and did some more damage. But its like I have discovered a new part of myself.
However, like the rest of things in life, sometimes you just want a little more. I stared in the mirror this morning in my fabulous light pink lacy bra and thought, wow, if only the cleavage to bra ratio was a bit more equal. And, like so many things in life, there is always some sort of solution for those truly seeking. So, I grabbed the little black inserts out of the bottom of my sock drawer, stuck them in, and whala! I have more boobies!
It was fun. I rarely wear form fitting clothing but today, I did. And man, what a pair of boobies hiked up in a little black shirt can do for a girl. My whole body looked smaller compared to those things. I mean, it wasn't that I was drastically larger, I was just enhanced and shaped. And it was dang nice.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
One post struck me today, titled in short, Social Skills Matter. As her blog focuses on work, as does most of her advice on this topic. As my blog focuses on boys, I decided to steal the topic and give it the little20slife twist.
Social skills are definitely the key to success in this world, and by success I mean, getting what you want. Just think, what stands in your way of most goals? Gatekeepers. Decision makers. Bosses. Parents. Teachers. People. The power of persuasion is now simply called good personal relations.
But how do you relate to people in a good personal way? Here's how I do it.
1. Talk to them. Make an effort to take interest in their individual, special, unique lives. I just love it when I find a talker, the questions start to roll off my lips. What can you ask them you may wonder. Well, how about do they have kids? What are their dreams and passions? Where did they come from? Have they been out of the country? And each question's answer leads to about 5-500 more. Just go for it.
2. Remember what they tell you. And follow up. Nothing says they are important to you other than your genuine interest and following questions regarding your initial questions. It means what they told you was not taken lightly. You took it to heart and care about what is going on in their life. Details count. Stash them away. (But only if they told you. Don't share tidbits they did not tell you unless you can explain it without looking like a stalker.)
3. Give off the open vibe. I can shut a guy in a bar down within .01 seconds. They smile at me (or make eye contact), I hold my lips tight, shoot a couple daggers out my eyes and turn away asap. Want to invite them over to talk? Want to win over the boyfriend's friends? Mother? Roommate? Smile. Laugh. Keep your eyes and body language friendly. Make eye contact and hold it. They will warm to you. (And guys are stupid. Sometimes the inviting body language doesn't work, you just have to approach them. Sorry.)
4. Ask a question. People like to feel knowledgeable and unintimidated. If you ask a question (in a non-quizzical manner), they will feel empowered, important and respected. Ask them about something they like (is raising children rewarding?), or something happening in front of you (why is that girl crazy?). It will stimulate conversation and compliment them.
5. Compliment them. Something that you mean. Being fake just turns them the other way.
6. Persist. If they are not buying you for some reason and are not being hostile or mean, just keep it friendly if it is important to get to know them. Some people are naturally untrusting. The walls will come down with people that are worth getting to know.
So, there are some of the things I use, in work and in life. Its fun seeing what happens just because people like you. Besides the typical free drink at the bar, I get directions, song requests played, behind the scenes tours, discounts and most importantly, friends.
Monday, June 22, 2009
I keep thinking about this bald thing... I like I told you, he is cute with no hair, but being the little hippie wanna be that I am, I always go for the guys with the long, flowy hair and cry when they cut it. I like to run my fingers through it, stroke it, mess it, etc. But you know the thing that calms my spirit about this whole hair thing? Charlotte and Harry. From Sex and the City.
Charlotte is just completely gorgeous and Harry is just not but they are in love and he's so much better for her than the cute doctor she ended up divorcing or any of the other guys that paraded through her life. I'm not saying I'm as beautiful and glamorous as Charlotte or that Harry and my attraction (preemptive, I know) is so great and more fabulous than the long haired hippies of my past, I'm just say that I'm ok with dating, I mean emailing, the bald men of the world. And because of that, he will be called Harry.
So, we first wrote to each other about 2 weeks ago. We've only gone a day here and there without hearing from each other since. Its actually quite exciting. He's so funny. He's so nice. The things he says puts me at ease and I just just tell him stuff, I don't feel invaded upon or intimidated by his questions. I mean, of course I haven't told him anything out of the ordinary but all the basic stuff we've talked about has been just great. Sure, he adores sport and I don't have a clue about them, he doesn't have a clue about my undying love for art but we are different in ways that are compatible thus far.
So, we are now officially emailing from our actual email addresses (at his request, eek!) and hes so nice and completely interested in me thus far. We live like an 1 hr 45 mins away from each other and we both said we are ok with that. So, I am totally in the dark about how to go about this, what time lines are acceptable/normal or whatever but here's what I'm thinking.... I don't want to type to him too much more. I'm afraid if we get to know each other through simply typing and not actually voice or in person interaction we will be awkward in front of each other, like, I will know him too well on one level at not at all on another, you know? And I suck on the phone, I hate talking on phones, I've practically quit using one at work whenever possible, so I say, lets just meet and see if this is actually fun in person before we get too far into all this. Is that crazy?
So, I'm going to go along with this email thing until, lets say, the middle of this week, and then I'm going to just send him my number and tell him to get off his mac and call me. Then hopefully, a time to meet will transpire.
And yes, I already have bought a dress for our first date. Men inspire me. To shop.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Another girl followed me there too so the 4 of us piled into our sweet little 2 BR 2BA apartment and started living life in the real world, paying bills, going to work, killing bugs and cooking dinner. Soon, my follower headed off to her summer school program and shortly after planned roomie decided she wanted to move home. So, theatre friend, Kiki, was last roomie standing. Luckily, Kiki ended up needing a place for the whole summer so we ended up having a great summer watching TV, running around in odd outfits, playing in the shared backyard and quite simply, being ridiculous.
She's a little younger than me so I've always been kind of like the big sister, she calls me mom sometimes with the way we interact. So, yesterday she marched into my place with stories about new boys, text messages, meetings and plans. We watched He's just not that into You and the combination of that movie plus her stories made be decide to give a shot at writing a public service announcement to all the ladies out there that are chasing boys. I know I'm as silly as GiGi in the movie and used to be as naive as Kiki but looking from the outside I can see a little better. Hopefully this can serve as a reminder/guide to both you and I!
A Public Service Announcement: Things of Men to Beware!
- If you receive a text message saying, "I don't want to be in a relationship, but you can still come spend the night with me." or some form thereof, punch him in the face. This is not sweet. This is straight up disrespect. If you slip up and fall for that line and after the fact realize it is stupid, do not try and go back to being "just friends." Write his butt off!
- If you just meet a guy and he starts talking about how it is his responsibility to keep you safe, make your life perfect, take care of your every need, and you are not in an actual serious relationship with him, please run. This is all desperate, lonely, controlling, moving way to fast talk. Sure, it sounds sweet, but no guy should want to shower all that on you the first week of meeting you. He has an ulterior motive because those are easy ways to get a girl to swoon. Beware and be ok to take care of yourself!
- If you have a best guy friend and you think you all will date someday, oh and by date you mean marry, you may need to think again. Have you asked him to date you multiple times and he said some variation of "You're too good for me" or "We are so much better friends, I don't want to ruin what we have"? If so, take that as him nicely telling you, hes just not that into you. Like the movie says, if the guy wants it to happen, he will make it happen.
- Guys are really good at getting you to break up with them rather than having to do it themselves. I love the clip in the movie with the ladies on the bench talking about all the sneaky ways guys break up with them, when you actually think it was your idea. Key words include "I'm so jealous of the next guy that gets to be with you" or "I don't want to hold you back" or just acting like a jerk until you dump them to get their attention and then it ends up sticking.
I hate that women can be so blind to our opposite gender's antics. I adore men, I totally do (thought I'd throw that out there in case you cannot tell from this blog) but dang, they can be total douche bags and when you mess with one of my friends, you better back off.
So, kisses to all my ladies. Be careful out there! Love ya!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
- Man, there's a lot of guys out there
- Wow, there's a lot of freaks out there
- Lots of people reject me
- I reject lots of people
- Its hard to reject a one armed man
- Apparently one armed men don't like me because he rejected me
- There are a few really cool guys
- The really cool ones don't talk to me or are already taken
- Mostly weird guys try to contact me
- After a while, I started to reconsider what are needs vs. wants
- Its all a little exhausting
So basically, its like real life just a little less personal, less embarrassing and a little quicker.
But, I will tell you this, its not all for naught. I've actually been emailing a really nice, funny, cute, bald guy. Ok, not bald, looks like he shaves his head. I'm not sure if that's a sensitive subject or not so I haven't asked what the deal is yet. His brother has a shaved head too so I was thinking maybe its personal preference? But, hes actually pretty cute with no hair. He's 30, I have no idea what his job title means, hes a christian and he uses words like "clinched" in written correspondence.
I think he senses some of my neurosis, however, I keep getting emails! Score! Wow, I don't know how this thing works, what happens from here?
Guess I'll let you know in the coming entries!
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Well, Mr. Nice Guy and I had a pretty big fight. Its so much history and so much baggage. Two years of dating and one year of being "friends." We tried to go to a wedding together this weekend which essentially ended up with us lost in an unknown city at 10:45 p.m. with me having not eaten since 4, no place to stay that night and Mr. So Called Nice Guy yelling at me for being concerned with all three of those things. All I could do was dissolve into tears and state that I needed to be taken home.
I told him I need to take a break from all the drama that comes with us hanging out. That I don't need an explanation, emails or phone calls. Whatever needs to be said, I'm sure has been said at some point over the past three years and we just need time to think and be ourselves away from each other. He just said ok and that hes sorry and respects my decision. So, I don't know what to do with that, I just hope I can stay strong and not fall back on him like I always do.
So, here I am staring at a bleak weekend without even any online prospects (I will save THAT synopsis for another entry) and who else but Mr. Big pops up on my facebook chat. (Check out this blog for background info.) Here's about how the conversation went (spitting my best game and all).
Mr. Big: you beautiful piece of woman you come to bonnaroo with me (he's too cool for punctuation)
Me: Yes! Yes! Mr. Big, whatever you say!
To top it off, Mr. commitmentphobe hasn't even bought tickets yet, plane or bonnaroo, and it starts this weekend! On the other hand, what could be better than a weekend away from this place with someone I absolutely have a blast with? And hello, bonnaroo? Omgosh, I have always been too sensible to go but it would like be my heaven on earth. They even encourage you to bring local organic food with as little as possible packaging material and bug spray sans deet (not sure whats wrong with deet but I'm sure its some environmental sin).
Ok, Ben Harper, Grace Potter, Girl Talk, Zac Brown, Phish, Springsteen, ahhh! Oh, and Mr. Big.
So, Its totally what I need, right? Noooo. Yes!!!!!
I'm not going. He makes me too stupid. I will be setting my pandora quickmix to the above mentioned artists this weekend though happy with the $250 I could have spent on a ticket still in my bank account.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
My dad is visiting me tonight here in my town, in my neighborhood, in my house. It was funny and different to see this place through his eyes, a person I've known my whole life. I've kinda been annoyed with my place lately... well, disenchanted. My neighbors are weird, I get lonely, and the street noise is loud.
He said something today that I have not give any thought to at all in months. He said, "I really like this place God has given you."
God gave me this place? I always think I am in control, not Him and so it took me aback, hearing that simple truth. And it was so relieving. He has a plan for me. In my weird little town, though I think I should leave, in my weird little neighborhood, with nosy old men, and in my weird little house, with minimal foundational support but lots of charm.
So I don't have to question my choices or be overwhelmed with decisions as of where to move, where to work, who to date, who to marry. My Father in heaven has a plan for me, even though I feel so undeserving, and so long as I am His child and his follower, I get all the wonderful things he has in store. All I have to do is open my heart and let Him lead me.
I am so glad my dad reminded me who was actually running the show.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
And I have this habit of hanging out with Mr. Nice Guy... a lot... and lately I've felt like it will never work out between us. On top of that, I'm supposed to go to this wedding with him this weekend an hour away and I'll be bored half the time because he will be doing groomsmen stuff so I can either go hang out alone in the city or wait around on a guy I feel just so-so about. (I already tried to beg off but he wants me to go so bad and I feel like I would betray him as my friend by not going especially since I already said I would.) And, as just a nice side dish to the weekend, the guy from college who broke my heart (my first real, mature relationship away from my overprotective parent's grip) will be there with his Oh so tall and naturally pretty I-don't-have-to-even-wear-make-up-or-heels wife. And I'll be there (in make up and heels) with a guy I broke up with a year ago.
Yeah, and (while I'm on my whining rant) the most exciting thing that has happened to me lately is that I got pepper spray. Woo. Woo.
And ew. There is a roach out here. I can't even enjoy my own darn porch. I'm going to bed.
Sorry for the sulking but thank you for listening. And I am going out tomorrow night so maybe I'll have better material next time.
Roaches no likey pepper spray.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Anyway, on another note, I have news.
I am now online dating. Eeeek!
I am so not sure what to think about this. But, I decided to give it a shot. I even uploaded a picture!! (Ahhh!!) I decided that I can't remember the last time I met a nice, respectable Christian guy that I was interested in so I figured I'd cast my net in some new waters.
So far though to be honest, no luck. These guys are all weird. Ugh. But, I will keep my eyes open and see what happens. And I keep being tempted to answer all the about me questions with jokes. But, I refrained and only have one jokey answer. But I mean, come on, the way I move is definitely the first thing people notice about me. Lol, like that won't scare away any respectable Christian men. But, I like the ones that don't scare easy.
So, I will just wait and see what turns up!